Online Recovery Resources - Help Here and Help Today

Online Counseling - Mistakes Men Make in Relationships

2011-11-16T08:51:00.000-08:00

Where are all the male relationship advice talk show hosts? They just don't exist.

Dr. Laura and Dr. Joy Browne have been around a long time and do a great job. But where are the men? They are a "no show." So it looks like I'm the man.

That's why I am writing my new book about the 10 Biggest Mistakes Men Make. No one else can write it. They just don't have the insight or the love.

I know what some of you are going to say - there are many men relationship counselors on Christian radio. You are right, but I'm talking about mainstream secular radio. Besides, well known Christian family and relationship counselors are, in my opinion, very wimpy.

They don't understand what women and the kids really need from a man.

They think the man has to be nicer. And if he is nicer, then everything will be fine. So you have men bringing flowers, helping her vacuum, doing the dishes, and telling her how much he loves her with little love notes on the refrigerator.

Meanwhile the family still suffers, and he scratches his head and never figures it out.

I'm not going to give away the contents of the book. But I will give you one hint.

Men - most of the time "nice" means weak. A woman-worshiping male who wants something from his girl friend will tip toe around and be very nice so he can get what he wants.

A guilty husband, who had lunch with someone at the office or who is smoking behind his wife's back, will act very nice. The husband who leaves his wife in charge of everything, including the kids' education, is nice.

But these are weak men and their partners know it.

Of course, the seeming opposite - being mean, dictatorial or angry - is even worse. Both extremes are error.

Remember John Wayne? Remember Clark Gable in Gone With the Wind? Remember Gary Cooper in High Noon? They portrayed men who had character. They stood for something. They were firm, but they also had a tender side. They loved principle more than anything.

They loved principle more than their wife (but their wives felt secure because she knew he could be trusted and would never fail her).

Have you ever seen Miracle on 34th Street (the original version, the one with Natalie Wood)? Kris Kringle could be very no-nonsense, but he always had a twinkle in his eye.

Men - stand for something. Learn to be honorable and principled, without anger or resentment. Be a man and love principle. Then your wife and kids will have something to respect.

If you are a people pleaser and wimpy nice, they may like you (like having their way with you), but they won't respect you.

If you are angry or violent - no wonder they hate you. If you take drugs or drink excessively - you haven't even gotten to first base in terms of what a real man is.

If you are a decent guy and are home every evening; If you don't drink, cheat, smoke marijuana, gamble, use bad words or get violent - then you are on first base and there is hope for you. My books might help you find the missing something that your family needs to see in you.

Remember - be like Kris Kringle. Always have a twinkle in your eye.

Unhappiness, Worry, Chronic Unhappiness, Work Related Stress - How a Complementary Meditation May Help

2011-11-15T08:52:00.000-08:00

"Most psychiatric drugs can cause withdrawal reactions, sometimes including life-threatening emotional and physical withdrawal problems. In short, it is not only dangerous to start taking psychiatric drugs, it can also be dangerous to stop them. Withdrawal from psychiatric drugs should be done carefully under experienced clinical supervision." Warning posted by Dr. Peter Breggin

Despite all the emphasis of giving drugs to depressed people, many recover from depression with time on their own, while others receive help from a variety of sources, including therapy, family, and religion. Depression is a loss of hope. . . . The restoration of hope is key to overcoming depression and hope can come from many sources. The alternative to antidepressants is all of life: romantic love, family, friends, community, nature, and religion all help people overcome depression. Scientific studies show that everything from a new pet to an exercise program, as well as the passage of time, can relieve depression." Dr. Peter Breggin

Update Here is a two minute video by Dr. Peter Breggin MD that talks about adverse effects and the treatment of depression. Dr. Breggin has been called the conscience of psychiatry. He makes several excellent observations in this short talk.

Hello, I am a pastoral counselor and spiritual care giver. This is a lengthy article. So here is a summary. To find what you want, just scroll down.

Many people are out of control emotionally. This loss of self sovereignty results in anger and a sense of loss of dignity. Usually their life is also out of control, which then is made worse when a host of outside forces and events begin to be dominate them, increasing the sense of being controlled or out of control.

I do not buy into the chemical imbalance in the brain theory. As a pastor, I see that there is a spiritual component as well as a relational one to our life issues--often beginning with childhood traumas; poor communication with a father; then school, peer and other pressures, exacerbated by a variety of misunderstandings, miscommunications, and even misdiagnoses.

Then to make matters worse, most people become resentful toward others who caused their issues or failed to help them, and this resentment destabilizes them and renders them exquisitely sensitive to those very pressures.

Resentment and the traumas to which we have over-reacted cause us to lose the center--lose touch with our center of dignity and innocence, and fall away from our Creator (to Whom we were once close when very little children). Thus I see that learning to let go of resentment is an important component in repairing one's life and restoring emotional balance and control.

A complementary mindfulness meditation has been found by some people to be helpful in facilitating the restoration of balance, control and a sense of dignity. It helps them calm down without feeling numbed, disconnected or dazed. Some also say that it seems to assist in them in re-finding their spiritual roots, and once a connection is re-established, there appears to be a power that comes into play that assists in holding back the pressures from overwhelming them.

For example, many were Christians, but just not quite Christian enough. Somehow this meditation permits them to become unblocked and to get in touch with their Christian roots in a wholesome way, so that now they can better appreciate what their good pastor or the Bible is saying.

Reason returns, calmness enters, and now reality becomes a friend. Real positive options can be explored, and now the door opens to a chain of good things happening, and the door closes to the negative thoughts, emotions and the negative behaviors they were once compelled to exhibit. Click here to read more about meditation.

After introducing the meditation and why it can help, the author then refers to Mike's Story. Mike's Story is a success story of someone who overcame depression, OCD, bipolar, anxiety and substance abuse without drugs. Mike's Story is published in installments (and will soon be a book). Click Here to read Mike's Story now.
Finally additional resources are listed, both library resources and online free resources to read and watch. End of summary

Hello,
this is Pastor Roland. Many people are concerned about negative emotions. They have them and are seeking to cope with them and solve them. So they are looking for educational resources and solution strategies. This article is divided into three sections.

First I talk about why we become upset in the first place (usually beginning in childhood) and how a proper meditation to learn how to calm down can help a person cope. I put this section first because I believe that finding the key to natural self control is the most important thing each of us can discover.

Many people are out of control, and regaining self sovereignty has so many benefits, among them a restored sense of dignity and self worth, living life on a more even keel, having more patience with others, and the restoration of hope when we discover that we really can cope with life's challenges and seek for the purpose of our life.

Next, I list some online resources for further reading and listening (starting with my own articles and blogs).

This post is a resource for you. It offers information and avenues for further exploration. Its purpose is to offer you some educational resources to help you in your search for answers. Obviously I do not know your individual circumstances, so I am just offering some general information.

Part One: Why We Became Negative and Emotional In the First Place and How to Regain Self Control

We suffer from a disconnect from our Creator. We cannot give ourselves patience, we cannot give ourselves love, we cannot give ourselves joy. We need our Creator's love and approval. The problem is that finding our Creator is interfered with by out of control emotions, but it is the calm Presence of our Creator and the surety of realizing His benevolence and providence that we need to restore composure.

Human beings have a soul. We thrive in an atmosphere of love.

Dr. Peter Breggin, M.D. wrote a book entitled Toxic Psychiatry: Why Therapy, Empathy and Love Must Replace the Drugs, Electroshock and Biochemical Theories of the New Psychiatry. I like his title and premise of his book. I do not believe in the biochemical theories, and I do not believe in the so called "chemical imbalance in the brain" theory.

Love, empathy and understanding are indeed what we all need. Our fellow humans, if graced with understanding and patience, may at least do no harm, give us space to recover, or perhaps lend a helping hand when we are in a tough spot. However, I believe that the ultimate love, empathy and understanding that we need to solve our issues, restore self composure and a sense of well being come from our Creator within.

Trouble is--it was someone out in the world who started us reacting in the first place. We began to feel empty and out of control. So we made the mistake of looking to the world for love and for answers.

Whether you look to people, substances, experts, helpers, or organizations--you can't find what you lost out in the world. What you lost was rapport with your Creator, and the means of being calm, reasonable, and fulfilled without becoming dependent on someone or something on the outside.

At this point, I might take a moment to address my Christian brothers and sisters. It happens that a person can begin to feel overwhelmed and out of control through some childhood trauma or having a big reaction to some incident, because of a lack of guidance about how to control emotions, or because of the accumulation of many small emotional reactions. Another contributor to feeling overwhelmed is pressure and challenge (whether the pressures are religious, sports, academic, parental, or peer group).

I have to say that the patient and kind presence of someone with understanding, especially a calm and unperturbed parent, might have prevented the emotional build up. In this regard, there is nothing like the steady hand of a father. Father stands in for God in the eyes of the child. A father who is there for us and who is full of wisdom and grace is often all we need to get through life's vicissitudes unscathed.

But for whatever reason the negative emotions began, and once they take hold there is then a struggle with the symptoms, plus resentment toward others and impatience with their own self. Resentment leads to even more anxiety, guilt, unhappiness, and run away emotions.
That is why patience and understanding both with yourself and others is needed. I have a free Christian meditation which has helped a lot of people become centered and helped them refind their calm center of dignity.

We cannot give ourselves patience or understanding, but we can discover them within when we cease our struggle and, as the old expression goes, "let go and let God." The problem is that most of us don't know how to become centered. We are just too emotional, too lost in thinking and struggling.

The meditation is just a little tech support. God says in the Bible "Be still and know that I am God." The little meditation exercise assists a person in being still. That's all. God does the rest.

Once a person learns how to get centered and calm down, s/he is more receptive to reason and intuitive insight. The person can then calmly see, grasp, and most importantly apply the kind of sound advice you get in the Bible, for example, or from a good pastor. The assistance of my Christian meditation may be very well be helpful in restoring a person to a more even keel and calmness. Then s/he can successfully move forward with the Christian walk.
The Christian meditation is complementary to what you are doing now. I am not seeking to replace your present faith practices or your relationship with your pastor or spiritual caregiver.

The Christian stillness meditation is simply a tool to get centered and calm down. Then it will be easier to be a Christian and to apply to your life the beautiful Christian principles that you hear and read. It helps you to be a better Christian. When you are calmer and less upset, you will not be lost in worries. You will be able to focus better on the instruction of your good pastor or the Scripture.

The Christian will be edified to learn that it is in departing from patience and faith that we fall into emotions. The secret to regaining self composure is to return to and cling to an inner rapport with the Source of patience and faith. You have suffered from a disconnect from your Creator.

And as I have always said--conscience is your closest link to God. When I say conscience, I mean what you know in your heart is right (it is a quiet presence and a sense of well being, until you stray from it, then it feels like conscience when it seeks to make you aware that you have erred). All you need is to plug back in, begin again to trust in your intuition (your gut, your highest instincts) and great will be your joy and relief when you discover that patience and understanding will be imparted to you there.

I'm sure you've heard this before--what people need is finding and solving the cause of their issues; but what they get is mostly symptom removal. Taking away symptoms is what most of our worldly helpers, experts, entertainers and lovers are adept at. Trouble is their brand of symptom relief and symptom removal leads to more symptoms, unforeseen side effects, and more unawareness--leading to another round of error. Meanwhile the cause is still there.

This brings us to the subject of drugs.

Psychiatrist and expert in psychopharmacology, Dr. Peter Breggin, wrote a book entitled Your Drug May Be Your Problem: How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medication. He points out that in some cases the side effects of various psychotropic drugs include such things as restlessness, anxiety, mania, depression, hearing voices, thoughts of hurting self or others, and increased suicidality (that's why the FDA has required the drug manufacturers to put Black Box Warnings about increased suicidality on some meds, especially for children and adolescents).

As discussed in Dr. Breggin's book Medication Madness - the Role of Psychiatric Drugs in Suicide, Violence and Crime, if a person is experiencing negative thoughts and feelings as side effects, and does not realize that the drug is contributing to them, that person sometimes starts to blame himself or herself for what they are thinking or feeling.

This self doubt and self blame lead to more negativity. This unfortunate situation is solveable when the person is educated about the fact that it's not them it's the side effect.

Parents may wish to read Dr. Breggins's book and educate themselves about this issue. Dr. Breggin devotes a whole chapter to effects associated with stimulant drugs given to treat children. This book is available at many free public libraries.

While under the spellbinding influence of emotion or drug, people think, say or do things that they never would otherwise. For example, under the influence of anger, a person might say something hurtful they later are sorry for.

Without realizing that marijuana has caused their driving skills to deteriorate, a person might make a mistake while driving.

Dr. Hendrickson describes in her book about a lady who recounted that after taking meds she began hearing voices telling her that she was ugly and everyone hated her. I recently heard of people who take a med to help them sleep who get up and cook or drive their car in the middle of the night and don't even remember it the next day.

How do any of these negative effects help in the Christian walk? They obviously don't. They make the Christian walk harder.

Maybe you can also see that emotions, such as anger, are like drugs. Perhaps the worst "drug" of all is the emotion of resentment. The very Christian virtues of patience, love, and forgiveness are hard to apply when emotions are running high, especially resentment. Since emotions, especially resentment, interfere with the calm application of principles such as those taught by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount, it makes sense to first calm down.

But you need to calm down naturally and in God's way and with His approval and help. Any external artificial means will cause guilt. Peace of mind, self control, and a carefree spirit are an inside job--they cannot be slapped on like a coat of paint, or manipulated with chemicals.

Incidentally, I have devoted twenty years of study to resentment and the importance of letting it go. In fact, I have discovered the secret to forgiveness. Many people know they are supposed to forgive but find it hard and don't know how (the secret lies in dropping resentment). I have covered this topic extensively in my books and articles. See free self help resources.

I have already mentioned drugs. The problem with taking drugs to calm down is that taking drugs causes guilt. We ought not to need a drug to calm us down, a drink of alcohol to give us courage, or a comedian to make us happy.

Calmness, spontaneity, happiness, courage and a blythe care-free spirit are the natural state of the human being (such as you see in little children). These come forth from within, and are there for us when we look to our Creator instead of to external supports.

Many Christians who keep looking for external crutches are just not Christian enough. They may be Christian, but not Christian through and through. Some of them are glad to discover that all the external things they lean on are what is interfering with being the Christian they would like to be. The good life is an inside thing, not an outside thing. Something was always missing, but they couldn't figure out what it was. Perhaps the meditation can help you find the missing something that will restore a bounce in your step and make your Christianity come alive for you.

Your downfall began with something or someone on the outside that you reacted to with anger or resentment, instead of remaining patient by responding only to inner principle. As Christians we know we are supposed to be patient and not take umbrage.

But you did take umbrage.

Your love was tested and found wanting. Now, you are undoubtedly still resenting the fact that you failed, still trying to make good, and still struggling with the cascade of symptoms that are the sequelae of your initial reaction long ago.

Now you must pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and admit that you failed. Don't be too hard on yourself (it's just another way the ego tries to rise above the situation and save its pride). We have all sinned and fallen short, as Paul said.

But here is my point. If it was reacting to the outside that started your descent in the first place, then more of the same is not the answer. You cannot solve your issue by more reacting to the outside. The answer is not on the outside--whether responding to a drug, substance, promises, support, words, or music.

The answer is responding to Truth within and finding an inner rapport, so that when the next external appeal comes along, this time you can remain unmoved.

True self control is from within--not painful suppression and repression, but a natural effortless control. Peace of mind, virtue and joy are awaiting us when we look within instead of looking to the outside. We need to be restored to our calm center of dignity where we might commune with insight and patience coming from God.

When we are back in touch with our God-given intuition, we then live and move and have our being from an inner source of intuitive guidance. And from there we get our energy to move. Being moved by a love of principle, we move forward without guilt or anxiety. Being on the same page as our Creator, we have no more unrecognized conflict with Him.

By being patient with others instead of resentful, we are rewarded with God's love from within. No longer needing the motivation of emotions to get the energy to move, we calm down and we begin to affect the world instead of the world affecting us.

No longer needing external pressures and challenges to stimulate us, we look within to apply delicate principles. And because the wellspring of our life is now from our Creator, there is no more anxiety or guilt. Only a peace of mind and a quiet joy in living our life. We learn that we don't need drugs, emotions, resentment, excitement or other externally based stimulations to be reasonable happy most of the time.

We need more than symptom removal. And we need more than knowledge about our issues. How many people do you know who seem to know everything about their operation, their diagnosis, or their meds. They are very knowledgeable, but they lack understanding that would give them insight and patience with themselves and others.

We cannot find this precious understanding in books, on the internet, from a preacher, from a drug, a counselor, or in a classroom. The best anyone can do for you is speak in such a way as to awaken you to see for yourself, so that you might see solutions instead of problems and so that you might stand back and stop interfering with natural spiritual restorative processes.

Understanding is a gift from God to the person who sincerely wants to know the truth and is willing to set aside raw knowledge and the judgments of pride in order to know God instead of playing God. It comes from within as a wordless knowing to the humble soul.

You need to find the state of mind where we can access God's understanding from within. This state of mind is called objectivity.

As long as you remain lost in thoughts, emotions, and study, you cannot find God's Presence and realize His point of view. You remain subjective.

Everything that I am trying to do on my radio program and in my books and blogs is awaken you to see that you are currently too lost in thinking and emotions. .

If you can learn to take a step back, and look at your issues objectively, you will inherit objectivity and the power to observe them without over-reacting to what you see. You will realize patience--first with yourself, then with others. You will realize that you have been too lost in struggling with your own issues, trying to save yourself, and then dealing with symptoms. You will also inherit understanding about yourself and others.

Let's take a quick look at how most of our emotional issues began. if you are like most people, what undoubtedly happened is that when you were a child someone failed to have love and patience for you.

An impatient or bossy parent, or an absent, drunken, or violent dad who wasn't there for you are often the ones who failed to have the agape love that would have shielded you from the emotional teases of the world. A weak parent, or one who is overly permissive, is just the other side of the coin of the impatient parent--neither has the kind of agape, emotionless love that we all really need.

When dad wasn't there for you, you became subject to your mothers' tender mercies--and if she didn't spoil you or teach you to hate your father, then she was impatient or even cruel. Through father's failure, we became subject to the world.

Through father's failure, you became subject to your teasing naughty friends, the gang, the pressuring or doting teachers and coaches, the pharmaceuticals, the drug dealer, the music and the entertainment industry--all of which appealed to your ego and your need for love. They appeared to love you, from your egotistical perspective. You felt empty and needy, and they filled the need with false love.

Sometimes we all need a helping hand, and we need someone to take charge when we are out of control. Afterwards we may need some sort of support to help keep us from falling back into the old habit patterns and associations that got us in trouble in the first place.

I take my hat off to the many people in the helping professions and the administrative systems who genuinely want to alleviate suffering and help individuals and society. They have a tough job and limited resources. I am glad and grateful they are there to help.

But there is only so much they can do. And to use an analogy--though we sometimes need the help of the good doctors at a hospital to help us get through a crisis, we don't want to stay in the hospital forever. We want to quickly get better and then move forward to health.

Likewise, when it comes to mental, emotional and spiritual health, it is good when we get a helping hand to help us weather the storm.

But just as we don't want to remain in the hospital forever, likewise we should not have to remain in church forever, on meds forever, or remain dependent on the system forever.

We should gratefully accept the temporary help of the hospital, the helping professionals, our support system, or the generosity of the social welfare administration, and then get back on our feet, become self reliant, and move forward to recovery, well being and optimal living. We shouldn't have to remain in church forever or in the system forever.

That is why the meditation and the insights of objectivity can be helpful. Once people refind their own center of dignity and discover access there to a fount of intuitive insight, they can become self motivated and self correcting.

They are grateful for the helping hand other people extended, but then instead of becoming dependent, they become well, productive, self reliant and self correcting.

Can you see how important it is to refind your God given intuition? Through the inner light which we know as wordless intuition, we find a link to our Creator and the kind of inner motivation and just-in-time guidance that stabilizes and restores us to dignity, faith, and peace of mind.

We will then be able to see, in this Light, which way to go and what activities to pursue that are in line with our God given talents. And perhaps most importantly, we discover that God gives us His warm love from within. We discover that for people who are sorry for judgments and hatreds, and who are willing to give up resentments, He forgives them and they feel His love within. Then they find that they can have patience with others and patience with their own failings and symptoms.

Otherwise, we are relegated to keep hunting and pecking for love from the world. Some of us turn to food, alcohol, or drugs to fill the emptiness. These substances appear to love you, but later you find that they are also your betrayers. Food cannot save you and fulfill you. And the kind of salvation a person finds in drugs or alcohol is the kind of unawareness that makes them even more prone to negative thoughts and wrong behaviors.

Perhaps now you can see the harm of the weak father. He may be decent, and he may even say the right things. But he says them weakly. He does not want to offend. He wants to be liked. He wants to be popular.

He turns you over the peer culture, the sports culture, the entertainment culture and the types of help that are available from external sources. In essence, he hands you over to others to have their way with you. He turns over responsibility to mom and puts her in charge. And she then turns the kids over to external authorities, to the peer group, and to the pop culture.
So now you know how it was that you were emotionalized, externalized and traumatized. It was not your fault. Now you see where the world's "love" has brought you. But this is not an excuse to resent or hate your parents, the schools, doctors, counselors, the clergy, the peer group, entertainers or anyone else. Sure they failed and may have betrayed you.

But surely you must also see that you used them. When you arrived at their doorstep begging for support, love and help--they did indeed try to help you. But you thereby gave them the power to play god over you.

Alas their help was human help. What you needed was God's love and help. But no one showed you how or where to find it. Your father was the one who should have been there with wisdom and understanding to stand patiently but steadfastly for what is right, to protect your innocence, and ever so gently guide you to find your Creator within.

But undoubtedly, no matter how decent he was, he was not stronger than the world. He too was a victim. No one had tutored him and shown him the way. So he never found it himself. When you see this, you will be able to forgive him for failing you.

Like I said, we all need to go to a doctor at times or get some help from someone. We must be grateful for their skill and their willingness to help. We must be grateful (and not feel humiliated) to need a little helping hand. But they are only human too. It is unfair to expect them to save you. You must graciously accept their help, but then seek to wean yourself from taking advantage of them.

I once heard Dr. Adrian Rogers say something interesting in this regard. He said that human goodness is not goodness if it leads you away from God. Just as some moms have done harm to their child by jealously claiming the child's love and coming between the child and his father, so likewise those we ask to help us may end up unknowingly keeping us from God if we put them on pedestals, use them to deny reality, or if we resent them when their help fails to save us.

When it comes to your unloved mom and your unaware weak dad, you must no longer resent them. They were victims too. Chances are that--whatever they did to you or allowed others to do to you--your parents didn't know any better or didn't know what was going on. Perhaps they were gullible and naive. Perhaps one or both were so angry and upset that they could not see through their emotions what your needs were. Perhaps they knew you were being harmed by them or others, but they were powerless to stop themselves or solve the situation.

The good news is that beginning right now you can start to solve your issues, regardless of what happened to you in the past. It begins with dropping your resentments against your parents (perhaps in the light of what you have just read). Then you will be able to extend that forgiveness to others too, especially to those who resemble the ones who hurt you when you were a child.

When you see that they too were victims, that they were claimed at an early age, and that no one had true agape love for them, it will be easier to forgive them.

The other thing is this--even if your parents had been perfect, because of your inherited pridefulness, you undoubtedly would have resented them anyway for not worshipping your or letting you have your way.

Remember the Garden of Eden story. Adam was in Paradise, but he was tempted to try to have his own way, and so he became ambitious. We all inherit his prideful nature, so we want to be admired and have our way. So like I said, even if your parents had been perfect, when they didn't worship you or let you have your way, you probably would have resented them, taken umbrage and looked to the world to admire and support your rebellion against your parents.

So now you know that others failed you--but you already know this. Now just realize that your mistake was resenting them and then chasing after them to get back what you lost.

Know now that you cannot get back what you lost from the world.

What you lost was a rapport with your inner ground of being that would have nourished your self. In order to regain your dignity, your self control, self worth, love and peace of mind, you must become still and stop your ever more frantic search for something out in the world.

You cannot find peace of mind in an alcohol bottle or a pill bottle. A renewed sense of purpose, joy and self control come from within.

You lost them by becoming resentful and then looking for external support and reassurance for your hateful and empty self.

If it was a failure of other people to love you properly--to be patient with you, to be there for you, and to gently correct your ego excessses-- that was the beginning of your downward slide, what is perpetuating it now is your failure to love.

And your failure to love is evident in your resentment and judgments toward others. The way to love others is to be patient with them. Learn to overlook offenses. Learn to see error without resenting the person for their error. Love by not hating. Love by not resenting. Love by being patient. You will then be able to be patient with yourself.

Just as permissiveness, drugs, perks and praise build up our ego and set us up for a fall; we then continue to deteriorate because of our resentment and hatred of those responsible. In other words, resentment, judgment and hatred feed your ego. Resentment and judgment are the booby prizes for the resentful loser.

The secret to your recovery lies in learning to give up resentment, and in refinding the objective state of mind you had long ago before your fall began.

You have probably heard the famous saying "let go and let God." For a person with a sincere attitude, our meditation (free to listen to and download) is the simple technology that teaches you how to refind objectivity. Now let me elaborate a bit on the topic of forgiveness

A willingness to forgive opens the door to emotional and spiritual recovery. Right now, your biggest problem is resentment. Resenting others and resenting yourself. Most of your negative emotions and the symptoms that are contributed to by negative emotions have their root in resentment.

We spend so much time as individuals and as a society dealing with symptoms. Millions and billions of hours and dollars are spent dealing with symptoms of people's failing to love and have understanding for each other. All the drug abuse, violence, divorce, broken homes, depression and suffering have their roots in a failure to find love and understanding. First when we resent those who didn't have patience and understanding for us when we were kids. Then we resent others, and then we resent ourselves. So now we come to the second half of the recovery equation: giving up resentment.

It would be nice if we had had parents who were filled with wisdom and grace in the first place. And it would have been nice if other people had understanding. If our parents or other authorities had had real love and patience, they might have gently corrected our ego needs and greeds. They would not have teased and challenged us to be ambitious. They would have protected our innocence, and given us space to grow to whom the Good Lord intended us to be. But alas, most of our parents and other authorities, though they may have done the best they could, did not have love and understanding themselves. They could not give what they did not have. When you realize this, it will help you forgive them for having failed you.

If your mom and dad were (or are) good people, then that is very good. If you nevertheless feel empty or unloved, it could be that you are resenting them for something. It is important to not resent your parents. Even if they made some mistakes, just don't resent them for it. Any feeling of emptiness is usually connected with resentment of someone. And the most important people not to resent are our parents.

Others failed us and we hated them for it. Then feeling empty and unloved because of our secret hostility and resentment, we looked for something to fill the emptiness. We looked to social approval, boyfriends, food, drugs, alcohol or marijuana to fill the emptiness. But others used us, the drugs betrayed us, and through getting the wrong kind of "love" were corrupted. So what is the answer?

It does not matter what others did to you, nor does it matter in what particular ways you failed in the past. What is important now is that you find objectivity--the ability to stand back and look at thoughts, emotions, and circumstances and see them objectively in the Light of Truth. Right now you are too caught up in struggling with your own problems and lost in emotions. You need objectivity.

Things are not as hopeless as they seem, but in order to realize the solution, you need the ability to stand back from the issue, the symptoms, and the struggle.

In brief, you need to get out of your emotions.

We all have access to the inner light. This inner Light is how we realize things without words. We call it intuition, common sense, or a gut level knowing. When we have such an insight, it is wordless. We just know or sense something. But what we don't realize is that the way we know is that we are seeing in the inner Light.

This inner Light is a wonderful thing, actually our most precious possession. It is not some far out mysterious thing. It is how we have common sense and intuition. It is how we realize. An animal cannot REALIZE but people can. We were all close to the light when we were little children. We knew things wordlessly. We loved and responded to what we saw was good and true, and when we saw injustice, we knew it without words. No one had to teach us, we just saw it. We were close to innocence and close to God.

But we fell away from what we wordlessly knew in our hearts when we became emotional and our ego began to look to the world to fulfill it. We doubted what we knew in our hearts, and we believed and followed others instead. They promised to fulfil our ego desires.

You see, not only is the Inner Light (what we know in our heart is right) the source of intuition and protection, but it is also the Source of all true creativity, fulfilment, inspiration, revelation, and love.

Now, the solution to all your problems lies in finding your way back to this inner Light and learning to relate to it properly.

Once you become friends with this wordless intuition (which now feels like conscience), you will have peace with God and the light will be a lamp unto your feet, providing private counsel and just in time guidance for the rest of your life.

Fortunately it is not difficult to find and relate to what we know in our hearts again. All that is needed is the right intent, coupled with and a little technical support on how to find and relate to intuition. The intent needed is a burning desire to know the truth and a willingness to admit our wrong when the truth reveals it.

The tech support we need is the proper meditation, such as the one we offer as a free download at the Center for Common Sense Counseling, which shows a person how to become still and observe thoughts and emotions without being caught up in them. It also shows you how to extend contact with intuition to the body, so that you inherit self control. Now, when you practice the simple meditation with the right intent you will calm down and become less reactive.

You will also discover a new patience with others and with yourself. As you calm down and become less reactive, the first things you will see in the Light of intuition is the truth about your wrongs. You will see your errors, and seeing them in the Light you are sorry. You experience a quiet sadness about what you see. You may have tears rolling down your cheeks. This is called repentance. You experience a sad glad.

You are sad about what you see, but you are glad to come clean. You are being repented in the Light. Seeing and mourning your wrongs, you stress the compassion of the spirit. And God extends His forgiveness.

After the brief pain, you feel shriven and clean. Joy returns and a quiet peace of mind. This process repeats itself many times over the days and weeks. Each time the pain is less, but the error being observed is more subtle. The turmoil and the writhing you are now currently experiencing in your being is because you are undoubtedly still trying to save yourself. You have been resenting what your conscience keeps trying to make you aware of. So you have conflict with conscience, and tension and writhing because you resent the Light for making you aware of your own wrong.

All you need do is stop trying to resist the Light. Instead let it rub your nose in your wrongs. Sure, it is a bit painful, but only briefly. Soon the sad refines into glad, and joy returns. Now, having experienced the touch of God and experiencing forgiveness, you can also forgive others. You see that they are just as lost as you have been. You see that they are victims too. When they were little no one had the right kind of love for them. No one was there to guide them properly.

You see that your parents were doing to you what was done to them. They could not help themselves any more than you have been able to stop yourself from hurting others. Your new found understanding makes it easy to have compassion and forgive. And when you forgive others, God extends His forgiveness to you. It was a lack of the right kind of love from others that you reacted to and which sent you on an erring course. It was your resentment of others that separated you from God's love from within. Now you will have have come full circle. You will have discovered God's love because of your willingness to know the truth and to forgive others.

Now you will be able to go out into the world, and instead of being a victim, you become a survivor and more than just in recovery. You become an overcomer. You become a child of God, and you extend a little light into an otherwise dark world. "Resist not evil. Overcome evil with good."

Additional Online and Library Educational Resources

We offer an outstanding array of free educational resources: articles, free audio, eBooks, and the meditation.
The most important resource that we have is the meditation, perhaps the only one a person may need to regain self control and become centered. Click on the Self Help Resources Tab at the top of the blog for links to the meditation and our other resources.
The second most important resource we have are my radio lectures and sermons. There is nothing like the spoken voice to convey meaning. I highly recommend you listen to some of the 30 minute recordings first. You can listen while you are looking over the written resources, or you can download them to listen to while you are driving, working around home or whatever.

Now, I am always somewhat hesitant to list other sites, books or blogs because I prefer you spend your time looking over my audio, books and articles. But, on the other hand, if I don't mention at least a few, you may not know where to look, especially if you are busy. Of course I have to say that whatever you hear or read at some other site or resource is the opinion of that author and not necessarily my own.

Secondly, you may be surprised to see that most of the resources I mention below are not Christian or religious. Mostly they are regular people who don't mention their religious beliefs or disbeliefs. They are psychiatric survivors, consumer advocates, and enlightened psychologists, writers, and psychiatrists.

Frankly, I have to say that when it comes to the mental health issues that many people are dealing with today, I have found the writings and audio of my fellow clergy or Christian counselors not terribly helpful. I'm not saying that helpful information is not there. I'm just saying that I haven't found it. And what I found was weak or confusing. What I found were chapter and verses and psychological jargon, usually with weak reassurances and obeisance to the chemical imbalance theory.

Don't get me wrong. I love the Scriptures and I believe that Christianity really does have the answers, but when I listen to or read the Christian speakers and writers, there is some sort of disconnect between their words and implementation. What they say sounds good and sounds scriptural, but the listeners and readers have a hard time applying what they hear to such real time issues as depression, anxiety disorder, ADHD, the issues of psychiatric meds, side effects, dependency, discontinuation syndrome, PTSD and various mental health diagnoses--issues that people are dealing with in the real world. So I had to look to others for down to earth practical information.

I only found one really helpful book from a Christian doctor, but it is a good one.

Will Medicine Stop the Pain? Finding God's Healing for depression, anxiety and other troubling emotions by Dr. Laura Hendrickson and Else Fitzpatrick.

It is a very good read for anyone, but Dr. Hendrickson devotes herself to addressing women's issues. She describes real live cases of women who had issues, began taking antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, tranquilizers, and what the results were. You get a Christian doctor's take on it all. It can be found at Amazon.com and you can preview many pages there for free. I found pages 205 and 206 to be an excellent description of side effects some people have described that it would be nice to avoid.

Here are some more relevant educational resources I have found

On Youtube, Dr. John Breeding PhD and psychologist. He has over 90 videos about mental health issues. No matter what your mental health issue or emotional issue is, Dr. Breeding will have a thoughtful and compassionate little video about it. His videos are very informative and he talks about good books to read too. Just enter John Bredding in the search box at Youtube.

Here for example is a two part video on depression
Here's a video of Dr. John Breeding talking to Anna Miller about bipolar

Here's a video of John Breeding talking about suicide, medication and PTSD in the news
These are just three examples of Dr. Breeding's videos. He has also written a couple books.

Dr. Peter Breggin has been writing about mental health issues and about psychiatric meds for many years. He is a psychiatrist and he has an informative website. He has written several books, such as Your Drug May Be Your Problem and his recent book Medication Madness - The Role of Psychiatric Drugs in Cases of Violence, Suicide and Crime. His books are available at Amazon.com and at most public libraries to check out for free.

Will Hall has an excellent radio program Madness Radio which can be heard on the Pacifica Network and listened to free online. He regularly interviews informed psychologists, psychiatrists, authors and survivors who have a positive enlightened point of view and helpful resources. A source of information about harm reduction.

Writer and researcher Robert Whitaker has written two books about the history of the treatment of psychiatric patients in America. His latest book is The Antidepressant Epidemic. Both of his books are excellent and are available at public libraries. He has also been interviewed extensively on the radio. His website is http://www.madinamerica.com/

A nice lady named Gianna Kali has an outstanding site called Beyond Meds. Her story and her dedication to helping others by sharing her story about her life on meds and her efforts to come off of meds is inspirational. Her site is continually updated with the latest news about drugs, meds, treatments, side effects, and so on. She also provides a huge number of links to other valuable resources. This is a good starting point for her references for alternatives to psychiatric meds.

Just recently Karel on KGO Radio in San Francisco had a guest on who talked about www.pointofreturn.org where she says there is a staff of doctors and other professional help with some resources and information about drug dependency.

From time to time I have seen references to Seroxat Secrets, where people share their personal experiences. Might be somehelpful support here for folks in Europe and Australia.

Ann Blake Tracey is with the International Coalition for Drug Awareness and has lots of information and resources.

For college students, Dr. Joseph Glenmullen MD talks about his experiences treating college students for depression, anxiety and other symptoms. Dr. Glenmullen is Clinical Instructor in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. His first book is Prozac Backlash, and his second book is The Antidepressant Solution: A step by step guide to safely overcoming antidepressant withdrawal, dependence, and addiction. His books are available at public libraries.

Below are Dr. John Breeding's 2 short videos about depression. Please, take a few moments to watch them. I like his compassion and common sense, and he is also very knowledgeable. This is an excellent introduction to the topic.

I hope that you will find some useful information and some avenues for further exploration, and hopefully some answers to your question in the information above. Incidentally, if you enjoyed Dr. John Breeding's videos, here is a link to his playlist on YouTube.

The information is not meant to be exhaustive. Nor can I vouch for anything you read in the resource material. I put them here as useful avenues for exploration and to become informed. Just some things that I have found interesting, helpful and useful. I believe that the online resources provide a baseline for anyone who wants to become more informed and educate themselves. It is also nice to know that there are compassionate, educated and enlightened people out there.

But once you get an idea of what the playing field is, I then want to state that I believe that the missing element in so much of today's "help" is God.

I believe that the answer is not Freud but Christ, not chemistry but spirituality.However, just talking about God or Christ or just studying religion, or even acting the role of a good person is not enough. Too much talk, study and acting can (and often does) interfere with the real thing by the guilt they cause. They cause guilt before conscience when they interfere with or substitute for a real encounter with the God of conscience.

It is said that religion is the last refuge of the scoundrel. I'm sure you know people who use relgion as a cover for their pride. But there are also many decent people who honestly want to live the good life and who unwittingly throw themselves into religious study and activity only to feel anxious or guilty. And they don't know where it is coming from.

Similarly, one man, for example, kept reaffirming that he was saved, but he didn't feel saved. He got so guilty for feeling like a fraud that he threw in the towel. I was able to show him that the words he said in a moment of emotion years ago were just that: youthful words in a moment of emotion.
It was a great relief to him to realize that he never really fell away because he hadn't really found it in the first place. Now he could set aside the artificial guilt (for thinking he had fallen away) and was free to earnestly seek to find what he had always yearned for.

The real thing begins with seeing for yourself what is true, re-trusting what you know in your heart, and then living from what you realize and know in your heart.
I would like to humbly but boldly suggest that the little meditation we have just might be the way to refind your spiritual roots and discover a natural self control that is not dependent on drugs or manipulating conditions. It's not for everyone, but for some it is a God-sent.

Celebrate life! Leave behind the baggage of the past, consisting of unforgiveness, hurt feelings and anger. Start anew and find joy and a life of purpose. Perhaps our meditation and some insights can help. .

Online Pastor Talks About New Book The 10 Biggest Mistakes Men Make in Relationships

2011-11-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

October Rapture Prediction by Harold Camping - Some Thoughts on End Times by Talk to a Pastor Roland

2011-10-20T18:44:00.001-07:00

Are we living in end times?

"I've never been one to cry wolf or play the doomsday card," says Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD who is a pastor and author of 11 books. . . . . . .

"It is not for us to know the date or the time, but there is a place for prudent watchfulness. We are told to watch, and that is what I am doing.

When the recent May doomsday prediction of Mr. Camping was in the news, I remained calm and advised people to remain calm and to just go about their life and not be worried.

Again, for any other prediction, including October 21, I am still advising people to remain calm and go about their business.

But having said that, there are some things that should be taken note of--like the elephant in the living room--calling attention to themselves. We want to be calm but not complacent. We don't want to be worried, but we want to be watchful. We don't want to be distraught, but we should be discerning and diligent.

I am not given to prediction, and Christ Himself clearly said that "no one knows the date or the hour except "My Father in Heaven." I take Him at His word.

So live your life as best you can. Don't be overly concerned about various predictions. Just be a good mom or dad, a good son or daughter, and a good neighbor and employee. Be fair with people and don't resent them. Be patient with people.

Live the good life and you'll be ready for whatever comes when it comes.

People and predictions come and go, so pay attention not to others and what they say but pay attention to your own little corner of the world. Don't be a world watcher and world worrier. Be there for your loved ones and mind your p's and q's. Look for opportunities that God may send your way.

Who was it who said "Live each day as if it were your last, and live each day as if you will live to be a hundred." Good advice.

Now that I have reassured you, I must also caution that we must not be like what Christ described went on in the days of Noah: people were eating and drinking and making merry. People, in other words, were living for pleasure and personal goals--living recklessly, thoughtlessly and foolishly. They were complacent and nonchalant about the eternal verities and the important things in life.

Christ said that this is the way people would be living in the end times.

Read the whole article

Pastor Roland also wrote a beautiful article on the aftermath of the May prediction

.

Spiritual Lessons from Prison Writers - Thoughts from Talk to a Pastor Online Radio Host

2011-09-06T07:57:00.000-07:00

Hard times and dire circumstances have been a benefit to sincere people throughout history. When things are going well, we tend to get into a comfort zone. Don't get me wrong--I'm not opposed to comfort, routine, and leisure time.

These can be a blessing to the sincere in heart, who use what they are given to grow, learn to be unselfish and help others.

What is good about hard times is that hard times tend to wake some people up..

Of course, difficult circumstance drives some people into psychotic states; for others it is such a huge distraction that they focus all their energy on face saving or getting out of their bind. Others misuse the difficulty to build their pride: they take pride in being hard done by, wallow in feelings of resentment over injustice, or wallow in hatred of others.

Yet, for some, hard times bring out the best in them. More importantly, the stress of suffering causes them to cry out for real answers..There is an old saying that hard times brings out the best and the worst in people. During a natural disaster, for example, some vandalize, steal and loot. Others sober up and help others.

You see, the same circumstance can be used for good by one person and misused by another.

Being in jail, prison or in the system is definitely difficult circumstances. There is the stress of captivity; the stress of cruelty; the stress of other people and strange surroundings.Yet down through history, some of our best thinking has been done in prison. Stalwart and noble souls rose above the circumstance and wrote and penned their thoughts for the benefit of others.

Here is a short quote from the Q and A on the Encarta website."Q: Which famous writers produced important work in prison?

A: Hundreds of famous writers wrote some of their best work in prison. For many, their confinement allowed them to devote long periods of time to concentrated, focused meditation and writing. . . . .

Prominent examples include Miguel de Cervantes, who wrote his masterpiece Don Quixote while in prison for tax-collecting violations; John Bunyan, who probably wrote at least part of The Pilgrim’s Progress while in jail for unlicensed preaching; and John Milton, who was briefly imprisoned for his political writings and beliefs during the period in which he produced most of Paradise Lost.

One of the greatest Russian authors, Alexandre Solzhenitsyn, spent years as a political prisoner and drew on the experience for some of his most famous works, including One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich and The Gulag Archipelago. "

While we are on the subject, let me mention my favorite prison writers.

My all time favorite prison writer is a lovely lady by the name of Madame Guyon. She was one of the great saints and she lived in France in the 17th century. I first learned of her when I used to listen to Chaplain Ray on the radio.

Chaplain Ray had a prison ministry and a long running radio program. I used to listen to his daily 15 minute program on KFAX in San Francisco. It came on at 11:45 PM and I loved to hear his steady voice and positive message. Though it must be thirty years ago now, I remember him well. His radio presence made an impression on me. I was young at the time. I was not yet ready to start the trip to God, but he was one of the many people whose mere presence helped keep me from going off the deep end.

Anyway, one time he had a radio offer: for free or for a small donation, he would send a book called Experiencing God Through Prayer by Madame Guyon. I ordered it, and today she is one of my favorite writers. Incidentally, what was her crime? The powers that be found fault with her brand of religion. She taught people to become still and find God within instead of looking for Him in external rituals. For this she was persecuted and jailed.

Another famous Christian mystic is Michael Molinos, who wrote about the inner path to God, which the church powers did not take kindly to. I can't remember if he was imprisoned, or whether he was just persecuted, tried and sent into exile..

And who can forget Watchman Nee, the wonderful man who founded the house church movement in China. His reward: imprisonment. Sadly he died in prison. But I understand his faith did not waiver and he was cheerful to the end.

Can you see what Madame Guyon, Michael Molinos, Alexandre Solzhenitsyn, and Watchman Nee have in common? They were all persecuted unjustly. They experienced the stress of being falsely accused. Yet instead of becoming bitter, they became better.

Christ and the writers of the New Testament had much to say about being persecuted unfairly for righteousness sake. In fact, in the Sermon on the Mount, Christ said: blessed are you when people revile you and say bad things about you for my sake.

So apparently suffering without hatred or resentment when being treated unfairly is the gold standard. I suppose that any true Christian (or good soul who does not know that he is a Christian) worth his salt will suffer such persecution. It is inevitable.

This morning I heard about a nice young lady who was her high school valedictorian (the top graduating student), who began to mention God in her valedictorian speech. The terrible and stupid principal pulled the plug on the microphone and would not let her speak (though the crowd was chanting to let her finish). And how about the lovely Miss California in the Miss America Pageant who was persecuted for her innocent and mild comments.

Even in most families, there is one person who still sees the phoniness and lies clearly. That person or child is usually persecuted, punished, abused, rejected, or drugged. What was the child's "crime?" Seeing or speaking the truth.

There is much I could say on this topic, but for now let me just say this about suffering. There are two types of suffering: for what we deserve; and for what we don't deserve.

Most of us will have ample opportunity to suffer for what we do deserve. Our resentments, angers, selfishness, and wrong life styles bring health, financial, and relationship trouble upon us. But suffering for what we do deserve can and should be good for us.

When we learn to suffer without resenting and blame, we bear what we deserve gracefully. This suffering, if done properly, will chasten and humble us. It teaches us that there are consequences for wrong behavior, wrong eating, wrong anything. And our willingness to admit our own wrong means that we are open to the truth. And so, as we search sincerely for answers, our sincere search is answered by realizing and discovering the truth.

And then there is the suffering for what we don't deserve. This is the best kind of all.

I know a nice man whose wife brought baggage into the marriage. She had anger and judgment toward men in her past, especially her dad. She transferred her hatred and judgment toward all man to her husband. She also turned the daughters against him. He ended up all alone and rejected.

Yet, somehow he never hated her back. His innocence and longsuffering was so beautiful and powerful that it worked a mysterious good in the lives of the daughters..

One day they saw that he was not such a bad guy, and they married wonderful, kind and decent men. I believe it was their dad's suffering in dignity and without resentment that ultimately helped them.

Read read about more noble people who were imprisoned

Kindred Spirits - how blest you are if you find one

2011-08-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

How blest the sacred tie that binds
In sweet communion kindred minds!
How swift the heavenly course they run
Whose hearts, whose faith, whose hopes are one.

Relationships Book for Adult Children from Dysfunctional Families

2011-06-18T14:03:00.001-07:00

Here it is. The book you have been waiting for.

Roland's new book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage - making relationships work.

318 pages.

Written by Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD in Pastoral Psychology and based on 20 years of counseling and coaching couples

Here are just some of the topics discussed

The Dating and Mating Game Is Not a Game
“A Rose by Any Other Name is Still a Rose”
Why I Decided to Become a Pastor
Where to Find Real Solutions to your Relationship Woes
Why Couples Argue
Myths of Marriage
Sex in Marriage – The Shocking Truth
How to Forgive and Forget
How to Apologize and Clear the Air with Dignity
Just How Important is Dad?
Marriage Counseling for Men
Can I Reconcile with My Husband, Wife, or Child?
Is Food Your Secret Lover and Enabler?
Dealing with Hard Times
Adam & Eve: The First Dysfunctional Family
My Husband is Annoying
My Wife Asked Me to Move Out –What Should I
Do?
Advice to Divorced Moms
My Wife Cheated on Me – Now What?
Finding the Best Marriage Advice – Trust Your Instincts
The Strong Family—Ten Lessons in Faithfulness

Roland is making his new book available in eBook to download to your computer or mobile device for $4.95

a 50% discount.

To read chapter one free and for information about previewing this relationship success manual, click here

The May 21 Prophesy of a Rapture End of the World - the Aftermath

2011-06-06T14:23:00.000-07:00

Many people read the article I wrote just before May 21. I said that I was not changing my daily routine at all. The day came and went. Now what?

Remember Y2K? Many thought that the world as we knew it would end. January 1, 2000 came and went. The reason I mention Y2K is that just before the date it was supposed to happen an author wrote an article which began by his saying that the worst thing that could happen would be that nothing would happen. I was surprised by this statement so I kept reading to find out what he meant.

What he meant was that if nothing happened, then everyone would go back into their comfort zone. Many people, if not most, live in a comfort zone in which they feel complacent, but are never stretched, never grow, never think outside the box, and never mature spiritually.

We have our desk at work, our Starbucks latte, our Facebook page, our after work drink, our favorite music and television shows, our DVDs and pizza on Friday or Saturday night, our favorite charity, and our pet peeves. One thinks of the famous line about Mozart in Saint Exupery's Wind, Sand and Stars.

Someone once said that most people live lives of quiet desperation. The way most people learn to deal with something being missing from their life is they medicate themselves with drugs, legal and illegal; they medicate with marijuana and alcohol, and they "medicate" with music, television, the internet, and food.

If they are younger they "party" and if they are older they go to the gambling casinos. Perhaps they go to church but, and I say this gently and kindly and with all due respect, it's not your grandfather's church. Don't get me wrong socialization is nice--up to a point.

I will never forget, a famous writer was asked about Oakland, CA. Her famous line was when she was asked about Oakland, she said "there's no there there." Incidentally, I love Oakland (and there is a "there" there). Oakland's there is in the neighborhoods where you find some of the most beautiful and soulful people on earth.

I am making an analogy. When it comes to our comfort zone lives, there is no there there.
I could tell you what the there there is that is missing, but it's better if you realize it for yourself.

Down through the ages, the saints and mystics have found this there, and though they try their best, they are hard pressed to show us how to find what they found. Maybe something is lost in the translation.

I could tell you what the "there" there is that is missing in their lives. But it is better if you realize it for yourself.

"Seek and ye shall find," said the Messiah. Seeking is very important. For the mind, seeking. For the emotions, yearning with all your heart for the something missing. But it the soul which will have to do the heavy lifting. The soul must look within and find the inner way.

Now do you see what is bad about nothing happening? The social Christians in name only will go back to their comfort zone. The mockers, the haters and the scorners will smirk and go back into smug atheistic complacency. Someone will find another date to hoist upon us.

And the middle of the road basically decent, hard working, down to earth people will shrug their shoulders and go back into the comfort zone.

For a brief moment in time, they wondered about and questioned the meaning of existence. But now the warm and cozy blankets of banality will cover them again.

But for some us--like the Three Wise Men, like the mystics throughout the ages, like the explorers, the inventors and and the true scientists--will not be satisfied until we find what we are looking for. We will keep searching until we find the pearl of great price. Build ever more stately mansion, O My Soul, said

May 21 Doomsday Rapture Prediction - Online Counselor to Discuss on Radio Program

2011-05-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

My Dear Friends,

What the Good Lord intends to happen will happen when He wants it to, not just because someone says so. I will briefly discuss this topic on my radio program Sunday May 22. I personally am going about my life and not changing what I do. I am writing a book about about marriage and courtship and it will be ready in a month. I have my work to do.

I have my thoughts about this whole topic of the rapture. It is not my place to say much. But I can make a couple of comments. Listen now to Pastor Roland's Sunday Radio Sermon where he mentions this topic.

The other day I picked a book off my shelf written 300 years ago by a wonderful lady named Madame Guyon. She speaks of "the resurrection of the soul" in the life a person who is being drawn to God and repented and reformed. It's a lovely idea, and she reminds us that religion is about the relationship between a soul and its Maker.

In the life of the person who turns from sin toward God, there is a resurrection of the soul. Prior to that time, the person is dead in their sins. As God draws the person to Him, the Light pierces the darkness, and a change of mind and heart occur, which we call repentance. Then begins a process of reformation, regeneration, rebirth, and renewal.

Also, you will recall that when Christ died, it is said the the graves opened up and saints who had fallen asleep awoke and were seen walking around.

Do I believe that there will be times of trouble and a final reckoning? Yes I do. But I am not given to predictions, even about the weather.

I have to say that many people must be fed milk, as Paul said, and are not ready for meat. Too much is made of "being saved" and getting to Heaven. They are missing the point.

The point is to be a decent human being, to love God and love our neighbor as ourselves. The point is to love principle and do what is right. "Let not your right hand know what your left and is doing." Do what is right expecting no reward. Then you may receive a reward, and this not of yourself, but by the grace of God.

There is much I could say on this topic, but my point here is that there is a mystery and marvel to this life. I am awe struck at how great God is and yet how He attends with loving kindness to the delicate care of the souls of those who love Him. I am grateful and overjoyed to know that He gently but diligently pursues those who have salvation in their future, but are now still in the process of making a mess of their lives and who are suffering oppression.

Every time you are mean or unfair to someone, every time you are impatient with your kids, every time you drop your kids off at some school of strangers, and in your heart you feel bad--know that it is conscience, which is from God, making you aware in your heart without words of your error and calling you to be sorry and have a change of heart. And yes, He will forgive you. (But first you have to admit your wrong and be sorry before conscience). It is written that God will not despise a contrite heart. Then joy will return and you will be free, by grace, to make some positive changes in your life. Not because I say so, but because it is so for the reborn child of God.

Some things can be known, but it is my impression that our Creator makes things known on a need to know basis.

Every lady who has ever taken a self defense course is told to trust her gut. This is good advice. When you are walking at night from an evening class, and all of a sudden you get a strong sense to go to your car on the main well lit street instead of taking the short cut through the alley like you usually do. Trust your gut. Who knows what you might have encountered in the ally.

I believe that these wordless hunches are from God. He somehow wordlessly makes us know something to warn us of danger, or other times to nudge us in the right direction.

These hunches or wordless intuitions are on a need to know basis. I am sure there are bad people hiding in alleys all over the place. But if I were to know of all these, it would be a terrible burden to know. I would have to do something with this knowledge. Therefore it is better not to know.

While we are on the subject of intuition, let me also say this. In each of our lives, I believe that the Good Lord does ever so gently make us aware of things we could be doing better. The first revelations for any of us individually, are usually negative ones. All of a sudden we realize, for example, that we are being impatient with our child. Or we realize that we hated our dad.

Like I have always said, God does not care if you spill some coffee on the carpet or if you miss the golf putt. He does not care if you break a teacup or forget to do your homework. But He does care if you resent someone, are mean to them, or confuse your kids. He does care if you gossip about someone.

How do we know that He cares? Because of our conscience. Sometimes after we have been resentful toward someone, for example, we feel bad. Somehow we know wordlessly in our heart that we were wrong. Conscience is our closest link to God.

Which way your spiritual journey will go depends upon such very small but significant moments. If you harden your heart, make and excuse, or brush it under the carpet, you ignored and turned your back on the still small voice. If you acknowledge the truth, and bear the short pain of seeing your wrong without trying to do anything about it, you grow. You also change--for the better.

It took Moses 40 years of being a shepherd out in the country before he was ready for God to use him. So don't try to change all at once. Just go about your life and watch for those little realizations. They are from God.

Live the good life. Husbands--love your wives. Wives--love your husbands. Children, do not resent your parents. Parents, be patient with your children. Be honest, fair, brave and kind. Be not boastful. Be not quick to judge. Make allowances for others.

How Christian Meditation Can Help with Mental Health and Emotional Issues - Insights from Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD

2011-05-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

We all know that we are supposed to be reasonable, forgiving and patient. But it is hard to do so when under pressure.

For example, the Christian learns wonderful Biblical principles in church, Sunday School, or listening to Christian radio, but when under stress, we become upset or angry. We then often say the wrong thing or feel the wrong thing (resentment). Then we escape into thinking, where we try to rearrange the past, excuse our failing, or worry and scheme about the future.

When we keep failing to apply the principles that we love, we become frustrated and angry at ourselves. But all this does is add another layer of upset.

At the Center For Common Sense Counseling, we teach the "how" of remaining patient and more forgiving.

By learning the simple technique of how to remain centered and calm, we are pre-armed with Godly grace. It is anger and upset that wash away patience and reason.

In other words, we can learn how to hang onto our patience by not becoming upset. We can hang onto a forgiving attitude by not letting stress sneak up on us and render us judgmental.

It is spiritual discipline that we need. But not the type that comes from suppressing anger, or putting on a good face with seething resentment underneath. It is the discipline of learning how to get centered and then from that calm center of dignity clearly seeing our need for patience.

When the stressful situation arrives (often involving a delicate moment with our spouse, parent, or child), we meet the moment with grace, instead of reacting with upset and coming unglued.

In simple terms, if we could learn the secret of not getting upset, we can be better Christians.

The Center For Common Sense Counseling is a nondenominational radio outreach to all people. Roland has no organization to join or belong to. His mission is to awaken us to our conscience and what we know in our hearts, and then he wishes to offer a few tips on how to stay in touch with that good by not becoming upset or resentful. In simple terms--it is easier to be a good Christian when you are not upset. Learn the secret of staying calm in the face of stress today. The simple Christian mindfulness meditation and some insights may help. It is free. Just like the Gideons give away free Bibles, Pastor Roland gives away the meditation.

"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." James 1: 2-4

Find out more about the free meditation

Talk To a Pastor Online: Don't Let Financial Troubles Harm Your Marriage or...

2011-04-27T18:33:00.000-07:00

Talk To a Pastor Online: Don't Let Financial Troubles Harm Your Marriage or...: "Financial crisis does not have to lead to family crisis. Economic troubles don't have to result in relationship or health problems. You ..."

Spiritual Recovery - Free Self Help Resources

2011-02-17T15:58:00.000-08:00

Do you say things like:
“I feel stressed. I feel drained. I feel burned out. Memories keep haunting me. I wake up at night and worry. My stomach is churning. I can’t cope. I yell at my kids. I get irritated over little things.”

If you say things like this, it means you are very likely over-reacting.

You’ve heard it before: it’s not so much what happens to you that hurts you but how you react to it. Trouble is, most of us don’t know how not to over-react.

Basically we react, we get upset, and we experience stress symptoms. And once we start over-reacting, we don’t know how to stop over-reacting.

The more we react, the more sensitive we become until we start reacting over every little thing. Either that, or we become insensitive and shut down.

Remember how you used to be? Once upon a time, you were able to take things reasonably and in stride. Although things happened that you didn’t like, and people were sometimes mean or confusing, you could cope. You had hope for the future, dreams of things you wanted to accomplish, and were confident that you could deal with what life threw your way.

But as the years went by, you began to lose your joie de vivre, your verve and your optimism.
Life, for many of us, started to become a drag. Many of us began to dread going to work or facing our child’s school teacher. We dreaded another round of treatments, another mailbox full of bills, or another argument with our spouse.

We might have started to become irritable, snapping at our kids and loved ones. At work or out in the world, we encountered unfairness, meanness or arrogance. We became upset and said nothing. But then we came home and took it out on our family—the very ones we should have been kindest to. Instead of protecting them from the craziness out there, it started to get to us and we brought the craziness home and inflicted it and our pain on our loved ones. The very ones who were the most innocent.

If any of this describes you, then you must realize that your sensitivity, negativity, and loss of control have to do with over-reacting. By over-reacting you make things into a stress. And when it becomes a stress, a predicable series of bodily changes occur as your body reacts to the stress (you created).

In order to recover your poise and positive state of mind, you must re-find your own calm center of dignity from which you can flow.

You see, our spiritual well being is lost when we lose control through reacting and over reacting. That is what we have done. We didn't want to, but when we were kids, someone upset us and emotionalized us. We fell away from the self reliant, free spirit we were and became dependent on the very ones who had upset us.

Spiritual recovery involves re-finding your calm center of dignity. There you find your God given intuition, as well as the inner motivation to live and move and have your being.

I have discovered a simple meditation that teaches you how to calm down and become centered--something like you were long ago before you became emotional and externalized. I the free resources tab at the top of this webpage, you can find out where to listen to the meditation.It is free.

. . . . . Read more

Find the blessed state of mind.
.
People search for Nirvana, enlightenment or salvation. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, who did not realize what a lovely life she had at home in Kansas until she had strayed far and wide, likewise the blessed carefree state of mind is hidden in plain sight. Not everyone will find it, but some will.
.
I have discovered that those who find it are sometimes the most messed up. They are not self righteous or desirous of worldly approval. Instead, they are desirous of truth. The ones who are the most messed up are often those who did not want to become phony, cruel, or shallow.
.
But their big mistake--their mistake of all mistakes--was to become resentful toward other people. And then they doubted the goodness and truth that they had loved in their heart of hearts.

Through doubt they drifted away from the inner home, which they had been close to when they were little children. And through resentment, they began to take in the world. And as the world seeped in, horror of horror, they found themselves becoming just like those they resented on the outside.

If this describes you, then perhaps you are ready to return to what you once knew as a little child but have fallen away from. You want to make the return trip, but don't know how. You keep going out in the world and reacting to people and situations, and flounder.

I am extending my hand in friendship to help you. I will not begin by talking to you about religion or Christ. Such words would most likely only reinforce the "ameners" among you, as one write so aptly said, and drive the rest of you away.

Instead I will begin by giving you the key to calming down and being more dispassionate in the moment. In your current state of mind, any religious or philosophical words, no matter how lofty, will simply get all jumbled up with with emotions, what has impressed itself on you in the past, and preconceived notions.

What Is Love

2010-10-13T18:28:00.000-07:00

We have heard that love conquers all. We want to believe it, and we do believe it when we are young. A young lady and a young man who are in love believe that their love will indeed overcome all obstacles. Although they may have seen their parents or people they know fighting and arguing, they cannot disbelieve that this will ever happen to them. (this is Part One of Roland's new series on love- editor)
Love really does conquer all, but it has to be real love. Before I tell you what real love is, I wish to explore the various forms of false love.

What most of the young lovers think of as "love" is a crush or infatuation. This is not real love. It is akin to how you feel about some new item (like a car) that you dream of having. But soon after you get it, it isn't long before you begin to see everything wrong with it.

Another form of false love is lust. A man falls not so much in love as in lust, as someone very aptly put it.

Next, there is a sort of love which is hypnosis. My cousin--a very nice lady who was well educated, loved opera, and had a good stable job--got involved with a married man when she was in her 20's or early 30's. Years later, she was still involved with him, still believing his lies, and still putting her life on hold for him.

Do you know anyone like this? It doesn't have to be a lover that we are involved with. It could be a leader, a cause, a religion, gambling, a sport, or even a hobby. Someone could, and I don't mean to be rude, literally devote their life to collecting bottles. It's a form of hypnosis, and it leads to putting everything else into second place. You will never truly find and live your own life, as long as you make anything too important, other than what you know in your heart is right.

Here is a very important point. When you make something too important a hypnosis enters. Literally an enslavement. Look at people who are caught up in some obsession, some love affair, some cause, or some addiction--and tell me that they are not hypnotized. They are, but they don't see it themselves, even though it is obvious to everyone else.

Perhaps now you can understand why Christ said: "Put first the Kingdom of God and His right way, and all other things will be added unto you." What we do--is we make other things more important. We put the cart before the horse. When we do this, we sin. And Christ said: all who sin are slaves. Do you see it?

The person who is caught up with another person is hypnotized. And this hypnosis is a form of slavery. The addict is caught up and a slave, and so is the person who devotes his life to some hobby. People who are into music make music too important. It is hypnosis and slavery.

In your own life, you can see this principle in operation even in little things. For example, if you are playing a game (whether it be a parlor game or a game of tennis) and you make winning too important, more important than what is right, then all of a sudden everything changes. You start to fixate on winning and you forget about kindness and sportsmanship. You may still pretend to be kind and still obey the rules, but underneath you are obsessed. And you get bummed out if you lose.

This little example should serve as a warning to us all. We must remain aware and not make anything too important. One man was driving his car. He saw a for sale sign on something he wanted. He stared at the sign to try to read the details and started going off the road.

How many of us have had these little warnings along the way? That's why if you meet the girl or the guy or see the car or the jewelry that makes your heart start pounding faster--beware. Back off. Wait until the emotion has passed.

Before I tell you what real love is, I want to mention two other varieties of false love. The first variety of false love is love out of resentment. Or as one spiritual man called it: love out of hate.
Then the second variety of false love comes into play: love out of guilt.

How many times has someone asked you to do something you didn't really want to do. You resented them for asking. Then you felt guilt for the resentment, and you ended up doing what they wanted.

Manipulators know all about this sort of thing. Many people use it, often unconsciously, but they know it gets results. Treat someone unfairly or cruelly, or make unreasonable demands--you can count on them resenting you, and then doing what you want out of guilt. Many women get trapped into this sort of thing by their need to serve and men who take advantage of them.

The one who serves out of resentment and guilt sees himself or herself doing all these nice things for the other person, and they fool themselves into thinking it is out of love. They could even get a high from serving such an ungrateful person or persons, and feel like a martyr.

Bottom line: none of the things I described able are love. They pass for love. The would will make love songs and poems about "love" and society will praise and give awards to those who serve and give their all for others, but it is based in manipulation and false love.

Don't get me wrong I am not saying that there is no love. There is. Some people have experienced false love and have become cynical. They think that there is nothing but use and manipulation in the world. They are partially right. It is true that what appears to love is really lust, infatuation, hypnosis, use, manipulation or service out of resentment and guilt.

However, this does not bother me or make me cynical because I can see this lesser truth in the Light of the Greater Truth. The Greater Truth is the Truth from God, which is shed abroad because of His love. This Light of Truth shines a light on what is false revealing it for what it is. That's all.

What is not love is seen in the light of True love. The false is seen in the Light of Truth.

Perhaps now you can see how important a good father is. A daughter who has a noble father, who she loves and who she has a good relationship with, will look for someone like her father to marry. Having known the love of the Father coming through the good earthly father, she is picky and easily sees through the weak or abusive type of man. She waits for the guy with the right stuff and she won't settle for less.

If you did not have a good relationship with your father, you can still begin to change your life for the better. Just start by forgiving your father. Realize that he was a victim. This does not mean that you have to like him or even have anything to do with him. Just have compassion and no longer hate him.

The Courage to Love

2010-07-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

Despite all the emphasis of giving drugs to depressed people, many recover from depression with time on their own, while others receive help from a variety of sources, including therapy, family, and religion. Depression is a loss of hope. . . . The restoration of hope is key to overcoming depression and hope can come from many sources. The alternative to antidepressants is all of life: romantic love, family, friends, community, nature, and religion all help people overcome depression. Scientific studies show that everything from a new pet to an exercise program, as well as the passage of time, can relieve depression. Dr. Peter Breggin

Here is Part Three of Mike's recovery story. He gave me permission to post it because he feels it will be helpful to others. Read part 1 of Mikes's story

Roland,

This is Mike. At the end of Part Two, I was 39, pretty much symptom free, and just a regular guy. Each stage of my life, there were issues to deal with. Somehow I got through.

Before moving on to the big life changing things that happened when I was 39 years old, permit me to dwell just a little longer on the first half of life. There are a few more comments I would like to make.

As I reflect back, I realize that there were some other things that helped me get through (without being labeled and drugged, deteriorating, becoming chronic and perhaps developing some permanent side effects).

One thing that worked in my favor was that there were two tiers of issues. There were lots of obvious external issues that everyone was always fussing over. And these external issues kept both everyone else and myself busy and (though I didn't realize it at the time) held them off from digging into and messing in the more intimate ones.

The external stuff--like school bullying and teasing, my parents' divorce, a childhood speech impediment, being obese and poor at sports, getting tonsillitis all the time--these and other things kept me and everyone else preoccupied.

If everything on the outside had been just fine, I might have had everyone focusing on the inside. Here's a story that might illustrate the point I'm trying to make.

When I was in my 20's I got some soreness from exercising that didn't go away. So I went from doctor to doctor to get symptom relief. Some antibiotics were tried and didn't help. One doctor said "exploratory surgery. " Another doctor examined me with rough handling. The rough handling doctor diagnosed it (after a grand total of a five minute office visit) with a label and said that surgery was needed.

Remember, it was just a little soreness. But I guess at that time I was just like everyone else--I kept demanding that someone do something--so I guess the rough handling surgery guy was just trying to satisfy the customer.

Anyway, my gut instinct was that he was wrong and so decided to just live with my sports injury soreness. Within half a year it just went away and never came back.

A year or two later I heard a doctor on the radio take a call from a caller who described symptoms exactly like I had. The doctor said it was an inflammation, usually caused by exercise, and would eventually go away. Right on, doc!

Just think what might have happened if Dr. Rough Handling had done exploratory surgery on me. I might not even be here today.

In a similar vein, if trial and error ("let's see if this works") had been used on the mental and emotional issues I grew out of, who knows what might have gone wrong.

I read a really good book (Will Medicine Stop the Pain? Finding God's Healing for Depression, Anxiety, and Other Troubling Emotions). The author, Dr. Laura Hendrickson, says she has heard so many tragic stories tht began with some lady innocently mentioning that she felt a little down. She's put on an antidepressant. She gets worse or develops psychosis or mania from the meds, and then is put on an antipsychotic drug, a benzodiazapine, then maybe an anticonvulsant (used as a "mood stabilizer"). There is weight gain and other side effects, and then she starts hearing voices that tell her she is ugly and everybody hates her. She ends up worse off than before.

So thank goodness, attention was directed to my parent's divorce, my speech impediment (which I overcame), my overweight (which I overcame), and my falling in with the wrong crowd. Time, hard work and eating right, a little speech therapy, and a change in schools--and I was restored to normal weight, articulate speech, and good grades (and a 4 year academic scholarship).

In the meanwhile nothing experimental, heavy handed, misdiagnosed or trial and error ("let's try this and see if it helps") was done to me for my moods, anxiety or obsessive thoughts (which went away).

Another thing that helped me get through were autobiographies--especially when I was in my 20's. There was one in particular--I think his name was Alexander King--he wrote a 3 book autobiography or collection of memoirs, wherein he pretty much let it all hang out. But he looked philosophically on his ups and downs, and he had some advice about romance and relationships.

He was realistic and had a sense of humor. I read it several times. Here was a guy who wasn't famous or anywhere near perfect, but he had something worthwhile to say, and had some tips for a younger guy about life. It gave me hope.

Finally, I want to mention television, radio, music and movies. Yes, they helped me get through, recover and become fully functional and happy, without drugs or individual or group therapy.

There were so many television series that made me laugh, taught me something, occupied my mind, and gave me something to look forward to. There is no use trying to list them all. I'll just list a couple as examples: Barnaby Jones, Mannix, Charley's Angels, Mr. T., The Jeffersons, Good Times, Three's Company, Columbo, Star Trek, Dallas, and Mission Impossible are just a few that come to mind. I identified with the hero or protagonists and loved to see them overcome obstacles.

I won't say much about movies, but there were some uplifting ones (like the Karate Kid) and some funny ones like The Jerk, and some inspirational ones like The Magnificent Seven that were helpful.

And music--what can I say. Lots of rock and roll classics, disco and soft rock that were frankly inspiring to a young guy. The songs were about regular guys who had issues but would move forward, and if they hadn't already found romance, it was just around the corner. Again, a sort of hope.

I don't think that people appreciate just how important talk radio is for regular people. It makes you feel like you are a part of what is going on. It's entertaining, stimulating, timely, educating and fun.

And I don't mean just politics: I mean health talk, sports talk, garden talk, shrink talk, relationship talk, fitness talk, entertainment talk, and dining talk. Because it's radio, it activates and involves the imagination in a healthy way. There is also all night talk--great for those of us who wake up during the night and can't sleep, for night owls, people working graveyard, or for truckers.

When I was lonely--yes, lonely--I loved to listen to talk radio. I remember there was a talk show host in San Francisco (where I lived at the time). He had AIDS and his life wasn't that great, but he was philosophical and upbeat. I loved listening to him because he was honest and not phoney--just a regular guy with some issues like everyone else.

Incidentally, I wonder how may people are just plain lonely and get diagnosed with major depression or dysthymia, given psychotropic meds and begin a downward slide into polypharmacy and permanent disability.

Looks like I'll have to save the life transforming spiritual journey for Part Four.
Mike

Read the other 10 installments of Mike's story.

How Do I Calm Down?

2010-06-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

The secret is to find the blessed state of mind.

People search for Nirvana, enlightenment or salvation. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, who did not realize what a lovely life she had at home in Kansas until she had strayed far and wide, likewise the blessed carefree state of mind is hidden in plain sight. Not everyone will find it, but some will.

I have discovered that those who find it are sometimes the most messed up. They are not self righteous or desirous of worldly approval. Instead, they are desirous of truth. The ones who are the most messed up are often those who did not want to become phony, cruel, or shallow.

But their big mistake--their mistake of all mistakes--was to become resentful toward other people. And then they doubted the goodness and truth that they had loved in their heart of hearts.

Through doubt they drifted away from the inner home, which they had been close to when they were little children. And through resentment, they began to take in the world. And as the world seeped in, horror of horror, they found themselves becoming just like those they resented on the outside.

If this describes you, then perhaps you are ready to return to what you once knew as a little child but have fallen away from. You want to make the return trip, but don't know how. You keep going out in the world and reacting to people and situations, and flounder.

I am extending my hand in friendship to help you. I will not begin by talking to you about religion or Christ. Such words would most likely only reinforce the "ameners" among you, as one write so aptly said, and drive the rest of you away.

Instead I will begin by giving you the key to calming down and being more dispassionate in the moment. In your current state of mind, any religious or philosophical words, no matter how lofty, will simply get all jumbled up with with emotions, what has impressed itself on you in the past, and preconceived notions.

Were I to talk about religion, it would simply reinforce words or ideas picked up from conditioning of the past, or it would result in an aversion reaction to words or ideas that were forced on you.

But I have found that when we calm down and find the magical viewpoint of objectivity, we stop responding to external words or people, and start responding to inner intuition. less reactive, calm, and objective, we can then begin to see for ourselves what is true. Then you will be able to see for yourself and know the truth, not because someone said so, but because you see it is so.

So let's keep it simple.

I promise that for those of you who are sincere, there will be many wonderful discoveries to be made. But first, let's begin with calming down.

If you relate to what I've said, and would like to start calming down and want to start getting back in touch with your own intuition, it might be good to just go ahead and listen to the short meditation, which is free. While you are at it, you can read some of the free information there.

Right now, if you are like most people, you don't need a lot more information. What you need are simple instructions on how to sit still and relate to intuition. Once you learn how to do this simple thing, you will then be able to receive more information.

To find out about the free meditation, click here.

The following is an excerpt from one of my books.

Remain neutral to the outside charade. Be neither for nor against. Stand back and observe.
Meditate to find communion with God’s inner Light, and it will deliver you from evil. It will become a lamp unto your feet. It will restore your peace of mind and bring order into your life.

The purpose of all my writings is to tell you about this blessed state, remind you that it is there, and show you how to get back. I am speaking to you from this state and from an enlightened viewpoint. I point out the errors we make, and if you are open to what I say, then you can see the errors too in light of your own awareness. You see--by listening to me or perhaps by reading what I write, you may be able to pull back form your worries, doubts, fears and problems, and see things in light of an enlightened point of view.

Seeing in this light, you draw back from involvement in the tempting thoughts and resulting problems, and see them objectively.

The drawing power of thoughts and distractions is so subtle that we are pulled from awareness in the twinkling of an eye, and don’t even realize it. And this happens thousands or tens of thousands of times a day. Perhaps it would be helpful to call such losses of awareness, micro hypnotic events or micro post hypnotic events.

The moment something captures your attention and you drift away with it, it has power over you. And it will retain this power. This thought or memory is cued, it will have the power to put you in a trance again, even more quickly and deeply.

It is for this reason that we get lost in a bag of potato chips and “can’t eat just one.” And it is the mechanism behind many of your compulsions and obsessions, fetishes, and self defeating behaviors.

Let me restate the point in a different way. When we think of failure: we think of failing to make the team or get the job. We think of people who are “failures” who can’t fit in, can’t make the grade, can’t succeed, or who become permanent victims. We think of people struggling with some personal issue (like weight gain, alcoholism or drugs), and generally succumbing over and over. We think of criminals who keep messing up and ending up in the system.

We think of failing to reconcile with a parent, failing to save our marriage, failing to communicate with our kids. We think of failing our loved ones in some way. We think in global terms: I’m a failure, I never get things right, I always mess up, I’m stupid or I’m clumsy.

Notice how these global condemnations sound much like what many people heard when they were kids. In some emotional moment, a parent, teacher, or other person said the ominous global negative suggestion.

So ask yourself--When you are beating yourself up over missing the putt, gaining weight, or messing something up—are you re-voicing the negative words that were suggested in some long ago moment of emotion? Was that moment fraught with upset and resentment—the moment where you were programmed by the suggestion (verbal or otherwise)?

Now when a similar moment arises, the old programming arises in your mind, now in “your own” inner voice. Is it really your thinking, or is it the programming from the negative, emotional moment long ago when you inadvertently accepted an aberrant notion? And is your continued struggle with it only reinforcing and giving it power?

What I want you to do is see that failure begins in a moment, when we fall away from our safe neutral objective vantage point. We are destabilized by our emotional reaction to another’s words, and our soul comes down to partake of the ego building emotion. We are tempted to doubt, to resent another, and to partake of forbidden emotions. We fall, in that moment, for temptation.

Though the main focus of this chapter is on resentment, let me quickly add that a rush of pride when we react to another’s recognition of us or their flattery is also a moment of failing. We ought not to be uplifted by praise. The emotion of excitement at the opportunity or temptation to do something wrong is also a failing.

There are many such initial moments of failing and being programmed. But perhaps the most important thing for you to see is that there were just a few key ones that set you on the path to lowered consciousness and error. You did not start off life wanting to be a drunk, a drug addict, a mess up, a nagging witch or a wimp.

Your pattern of failing had to begin somewhere. In some moment. Undoubtedly a moment when you doubted what was right or when you resented another.

What you must do now is not struggle with symptoms. Instead you should spend your time and energy learning the art of sitting still and regaining a calm objective awareness.
When you get back calm neutrality, you will be closer to the Light, in which dwells the power to stand back and observe temptation for what it is and not respond to it.

The power of awareness will also permit you to be more detached as you go through life, so that you will not so easily fall into distractions. It will permit you to also stand back from thought and observe it without falling into it.

Yes, you will still fall into thought, and it will happen may times over the weeks, months and years, but now when you do, you will suddenly become aware that you have slipped away with thought, and you will have the power to pull back.

Once you fell and failed, it became easier to fall the next time. The next time an opportunity to escape into distracting activity or thoughts, it felt like a relief, because you used the distraction to escape from awareness of guilt. In other words, you escaped from conscience into the warm and comforting arms of temptation.

As people get older, you see them slipping into nostalgia. Their mind literally goes, as they fall into thought which comforts them and shields them from seeing what failures they are.

.
Now you know why we are failures. It is not because we did not make the team or get the job. Nor is it because we got divorced or had a falling out with a child. Our real failing occurs in the moment, where we fail to meet the moment with grace—with attentiveness to what is right and with a dispassionate forgiving attitude toward others.

Who was it who said: sow a thought, reap and action. Sow an action, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny.

I say: meet the next moment properly, then the next, then the next. And each moment met properly will tighten your rapport with inner reason and love from God.
What defeats you now is: 1) becoming upset and 2) resenting yourself for failing again. 3) Struggling with the symptoms of your error 4) struggling with error and trying to make yourself right.

Meditate for calm objectivity. Don’t try to make anything happen. Don’t try to make yourself right. Don’t resent yourself for messing up. If you mess up, just see that you did.

.
Stand back and observe. See how even your thoughts try to tempt you. They will seek an injunction against meditation. They will torment you and try to make you doubt God and His goodness. Don’t give way. Stand back and observe.

Silently cry out to God. And He will answer. Temptation has no power over good. And it has no power over you, other than the power you give it be reacting to it. Therefore, do not struggle or resent it. And don’t resent yourself.

Meditate for objectivity. Stand back; don’t go floating downstream with negative thoughts in any way, shape or form. Be aware that nice rosy thoughts can also be another distraction. Just watch. Observe tormenting thoughts until they dissolve away.

Notice what the tormenting thoughts want from you. They want you to react. When you react, they gain increasing power over you. When you do not react, they lose power.

Start Building Self Esteem and Improve Your Relationships Today

2010-06-06T14:34:00.001-07:00

What I have to say is very spiritual (but also practical). It takes awhile to become acquainted with the truth about men and women and the truth about what love really is. But for many, it is a welcome breath of fresh air. And it will help you to cope, or even possibly save your marriage. While you are learning, here are a couple of simple things you can do to get started.
.
1. Treat each other with courtesy. Ann Landers also said that we should treat those in our family with the same courtesy we would extend to others. Watch out for the flippant, mocking style that is everywhere on television and in the movies. Please dress modestly and properly. Carry yourself with dignity. No bad language, no catty remarks. Be kind.

2. As a mom, dad, grandma or grandpa, you must avoid even the appearance of impropriety. You have no business in bars or casinos. Please don't play the lottery or smoke marijuana.
.
3. Best to have an attitude that no one owes you anything. Don't expect people to meet your needs. Don't expect your mate to show gratitude or cater to you. Do your duty. Don't expect gratitude. Work at decent work and be grateful for a paycheck. Don't expect some sort of big ego rewards from your work. An honest day's pay for an honest day's work. As a parent and spouse, do your duty. Live in dignity.
.
4. Don't try to change the other person. Watch out for resentment. Understand this: resentment is one of the most insidious destructive things in the world. It has destroyed more marriages than anything. Resentment can poison and ruin everything. Resentment can ruin a game, it can ruin your enjoyment of work. It can destroy your relationship with your mate or children. It is destructive. It can even destroy your health.
.
Resentment is based in selfishness and unforgiveness. If there was one piece of advice I could give you it would be: Be more forgiving. Let go of resentment.
.
Many people just won't give up their resentment, even if they sense that it is self destructive.
.
I'm sure you know people who just won't give up their drinks, their drugs, or their fast food. I'm sorry to say that many people just won't give up their resentment. Too much has happened they say.
.
You see, resentment and judgment have become a way of life for them. So they wallow in judgment, bitterness and feeling sorry for themselves.
.
But there are some people who recognize that they are resentful, and really and truly want to be more forgiving. But they are stuck. These people I can help. My books, lectures and meditation help awaken them to insight and understanding. I have been helping people overcome resentment and bitterness for many years.
If you have a question or would like a brief consultation, call me today.

Call me now: your first 3 minutes are FREE at Ingenio

What Is Love?

2010-02-08T17:39:00.000-08:00

Very few people know what love is.

Because we are all egotistical by nature, we have a bias toward thinking that love is what makes us feel good. We say that we "love" ice cream or we love people who support our pride. We dislike what makes us feel bad, and we dislike people who do not see us in a good light.

We like or love people who make us feel good, such as people who praise us or who pretend not to see our faults. We love people who accept us just as we are. We don't like people who see us in a bad light or who don't respect us.

Can you see the fault with this type of love? It is supportive of pride and selfishness. It builds up our pride, but is really setting us up for a fall. In order to see wrong as right or error as virtue, the other person has to be bamboozled, naive, or deceitful.

True love should be good for us, it should ennoble and facilitate true character. But look at what the usual love from others does: when they are naive about our faults, we soon have contempt for them. If they are being deceitful (because they are only pretending not to see our faults), we soon see their deceit and we hate them for it.

The usual worldly sort of love only builds contempt or hatred in us, while at the same time accepting and nurturing our faults, making us worse, not better.

None of us enjoys going to the dentist to have an abscessed tooth pulled; but when it is out, we are grateful. It is temporarily painful, but we are better afterwards. True love is similar in that true love does not pretend to worship us, and it is honest with us. It is like a wet blanket on our prideful schemes. In a sense, the truth hurts, but it is good for us.

A son who behaves shamefully and receives a stern talk from his father will feel bad. But if the correction takes, he will walk away a better man for it.

Perhaps now you can see why there is little real love in the world. Mostly you get support for error on the one hand or cruel condemnation on the other hand.

Our friends drink, take drugs, and smoke marijuana with us. They encourage us to indulge ourselves. When someone is angry at a spouse or boss, he or she seeks consolation from "friends," who eagerly lap up the juicy gossip (to tell others when his back is turned) and support his anger and pride.

All this support does is nurture the fault and the error. Teens often act foolish and do foolish or dangerous things with their friends, who support them, and never criticize them.

Without real love, all we can do is condone or condemn. Parents, for example, get angry and impatient, condemning their kids for little (natural) faults. Their anger only tempts the kids to hate them.

Other parents are so guilty for being angry that they eventually support their kids in everything they do and never correct them. This condescending weakness is contemptible, and also tempts the kids to resent them.

Perhaps you can see that all the condemning and condoning, love and hate, excitement and resentment build pride, making us more guilty and conflict ridden. That is why we can start to reject those who praise us, because we sense that praise is making us worse. That is why kids resent a parent who spoils them because the child senses that it is making him or her worse.

What we need is correction with love. We need to be corrected of our need for ego supportive love. True love throws us back on ourselves. This is what a good father is supposed to do--patiently wean the children from emotional supportive love. But most fathers are big kids themselves, still addicted to emotional support.

Love is a chastening force. But because there is little in the world, and because most of our fathers have failed to properly represent this type of love, we must find it within. We must become self corrective, and this can happen when we learn how to relate to our conscience.

Many of us become impatient and resentful toward our own self. We get angry at ourselves for failing to not reach a goal or for gaining some weight. Many of us even resent our own body; but what possible healing force can there be in resentment?

Our resentment does not help anything. It only makes us guilty to the point that we crave something to take away the guilt. Soon we are indulging our food, drink, or other excesses. Which only hurts our body more.

Where will you find true love? The best place of all is conscience. Conscience (what you know in your heart) is your closest link to God. It is wordless, quietly shining a light on things so that we can see our errors.

If you permit it, your conscience will gently and persistently correct you. And when you welcome its admonitions, it will also begin to change you. Here is the mystery: just as when you conformed to the world, you began to change to become like those you hated; so likewise when you willingly conform to intuition/conscience, the inner light, it will mysteriously transform you and upgrade your nature.

Born in sin, up to this point you could not stop yourself from erring. Your sinning nature cried out for sin, the element it craves. It is the only life you have known. This is the sensual life, of loving and hating, of lying and being lied to, of highs and even lower lows. But as I said, it has been the only life you have known. And because you inherited this life, it is not your fault.

But from the time that the light begins to dawn, you begin to become transformed to the truth instead of the lie, and you begin to naturally do right instead of naturally doing wrong.

With a right relationship with your Creator, you will then receive His approval. You will not longer need the ego supportive sticky love of the world.

Your right relationship with God will also permit you to relate to others properly. You will be able to love others without tempting them, without supporting what is wrong with them and also without condemning them either. You will have understanding. And you will have endless patience for others. You will also discover that you will have patience for yourself.

You will be a better mom, dad, son, daughter, husband, wife, friend, employee, or neighbor. Life will become joyous again.

Find out more about our meditation that reduces stress by helping you re-find and relate to your intuition and conscience.
.
For a donation of any amount, get one of Roland's ebooks as our gift.

Searching For The Meaning of Life at Christmas Time: Hidden in Plain Sight

2009-12-22T18:08:00.000-08:00

Thoughtful people are sometimes troubled by shallowness and consumerism during the holidays. Don't be troubled. The engineer keeps searching for a solution, the scientist for a break-through, and the researcher for a cure. They do not quit just because others do not share in their pursuit of answers.

In your quest for life's meaning and purpose, be as patiently persistent as they are. Enjoy the niceties and fellowship of the holidays, and also look for the deeper meaning of life. It is okay to have fun and be thoughtful at the same time.

Looking for real answers to life's meaning is like a treasure hunt. You have to seek for it. What is the old saying about not cursing the darkness, but lighting a candle instead? Likewise, instead of lamenting the materialism, look for real meaning (and then share it with others).

Maybe, just maybe the meaning could be right here amidst the busy-ness. So instead of being distracted by resenting the advertisers and harried shoppers, let's keep seeking. Why, we are even told to do so in the Book where the original Christmas story is told.

The wise men followed a star, seeking the Christ Child. The shepherds sought the baby Jesus after having been given a hint by the angels ("you will find Him wrapped in swaddling clothes and laying in a manger"). Even Jesus' mother had to seek for Him. We are told that Mary sought for Jesus, and found Him in the temple teaching.

Time and again, the process of seeking is said to be important. The centurion whose daughter was sick came to seek Jesus, and when he found Him, the daughter was healed. Jesus told parables involving seeking: where, for example, the master came back and sought the servant, where the prodigal son sought his father, where the bridesmaids sought the bride, or where the shepherd sought the lost sheep. When Jesus was killed, Mary and Martha came to seek Him, but He was risen. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said: "seek and ye shall find."

Today we must also seek for Jesus and what He represents. The shallowness of consumerism at Christmas time should not trouble us. It simply means that He is not to be found there. When our religious, moral or political leaders are revealed to be opportunists or frauds, it should not trouble us. It only means He is not to be found there. When their words are shallow, it means He is not to be found there. Thus it is revealed where there is no use looking for Him.

But He is here. He even gave us some hints where to look. He said wherever two or more are "gathered in my name, there am I among them." Maybe He also wants us to figure out what "in my name" really means. He also hinted that the Kingdom of Heaven is all around us. He also said the Kingdom of Heaven is within. He said words to the effect that "if you love me and obey my commandments, then the Father and I will come and make our abode in you." Was that a clue about how to find?

But don't forget that He said: "Seek first the Kingdom of God." Was this another hint: this time about seeking to do what is right first, instead of self-seeking and expediency first?

He said that in the last days people would say, "He is here or He is there," but He would not be found there. He is not where most people expect Him to be.

Little children love Santa Claus or love their dolly. This love is beautiful and sweet, but it is an emotional thing. Alas, many of us have had feelings for Jesus in the same way. We adults must seek for something deeper.

In human terms, the meaning of Christmas may be about giving, about sharing or about family. This is fine as far as it goes. The presents, the friendship, the Christmas stockings, the Christmas story, the music and the candles are nice and they have their place. But the true seeker keeps seeking. Without rejecting the niceties of Christmas, the seeker keeps searching for the real Jesus, that's all.

Therefore, if you have a sense that the true meaning of Christmas is lacking, you are probably right. If you feel like something is still missing and you haven't really found Him--even though you may have said you have and want to have--then keep searching. That is what He told us to do.

Give Me That Old Time Preaching, like Vance Havner

2009-12-06T18:29:00.000-08:00

After a restless night, pondering the current state of the nation and the world, I felt a deep need for some kind of comfort.

I searched and searched the internet this morning for some old fashioned preaching: the kind you used to hear in America and the kind that used to be on the radio. Like the song says: "Give me that old time religion."

How I miss it. I yearn to hear someone with authority, a man with a booming voice, who tells it like it is, with no equivocation, no pandering, and no appeals for money.

A man with a message who is not out to win a popularity contest. A good man, a family man, who wants us to clean up our act, start acting like ladies and gentlemen, and help each other instead of hurting each other.

Incidentally, a lot of dads used to be that way. Some still are.

It is comforting to me to hear a strong authority tell it like it is.

If you would like to hear someone who speaks with power and clarity, may I recommend the late Dr. Adrian Rogers at Love Worth Finding Ministries.

After searching the internet for awhile, I came upon a really great site, Sermonnet, which published many old fashioned preachers. As it happens, I have a book on my shelf by a man named Vance Havner.

I checked and sure enough, SermonIndex has some of his old sermons!

If you have never heard or read Vance Havner, you are in for a special treat. You can find some of his sermons on SermonIndex.net.

If you love old fashioned preaching like I do, then you will love to hear Vance Havner.
Thank you SermonIndex. If you can support SermonIndex in some way, please do so. They have done a wonderful thing, putting these sermons on line for people to listen to.

Another gentleman, who unfortunately has also passed away, you might listen to is Brother Ray Pringle. I used to listen to his 15 minute Word of Prophesy sermons every week night at 11:45 in the Bay Area when I was a young guy. His family has preserved all his programs to listen to.

Thank you to the family of Dr. Adrian Rogers and Brother Ray Pringle.

Help With Post Traumatic Stress Disorder From a Spiritual Perspective

2009-11-18T08:24:00.000-08:00

Read the Whole Article

How to Conquer Feelings of Inferiority

2009-09-22T14:35:00.000-07:00

You would be surprised how many people have feelings of inferiority--some in one area, some in another, some globally. Sooner or later you will hear stories of movie stars, championship athletes, and successful people from all walks of life who confess that they have always had feelings of inferiority.

You will be relieved to know that others--even successful people--suffer from a sense of inferiority. But just knowing this fact will not do you any good. Besides, for every "successful" person there are dozens of people who settle for second best because of some trip that was laid on them when they were kids, or because of some suggestion they picked up and have never been able to shake.

I remember seeing a story about a bird that did a backward somersault whenever it wanted to be fed. Everyone thought the trainer was responsible, but this unusual behavior came about by sheer chance. Just as the bird was about to be fed, a loud noise occurred and the startled bird jumped clumsily and did a backward somersault. Because it happened to be immediately fed, the bird associated the jump with food. The bird continued to somersault for food and became conditioned to do so.

I tell this story, because many of us were exposed to negative suggestions (even ones we happened to overhear) that have haunted us, sometimes for years. Here is why. By chance, something bad happened that appeared to confirm the negative suggestion. Through association and then belief, the suggestion became a prediction. The association of the suggestion and a negative incident made it stick. Recovery depends on letting go of resentment, because resentment is the glue that holds it all together. It is normal for the bird in our example to mindlessly associate, but humans are supposed to bring reason to bear on anything we hear, see or experience. It is resentment that cuts us off from reason and renders us suggestible.

Thereafter we bought into the suggestion, and it dictated the scope of our life from that point on. After the initial seeding through association and resentment, it is just a matter of conditioning. I am sure you have heard about the fleas raised in a 6 inch tall container. When they were put in a taller container, they continued to only jump six inches.

ch is the power of suggestion, association, plus conditioning. For humans, the combination of negative suggestion and seeming confirmations, followed by belief, makes many of us prisoners of conditioning and false belief.

We think we are dumb, ugly, clumsy, unlucky, losers, the wrong race, or the wrong background, and so on. We might also have bought a suggestion that we are cursed or that God has turned His back on us.

Whatever negative suggestion we have taken in and believed then dictates our life. Just who would want to make such a negative suggestion, and why would you believe it? One thing is sure: learning to resist negative suggestion is one of the most important skills that anyone can learn.

I will say this: it is resentment that is the emotion that causes a negative suggestion to stick. Resentment also happens to be (along with anger) the emotion of conditioning. Moreover, resentment is also the emotion that psychically sustains the negative suggestion in the mind and triggers negative feelings.

Because resentment is, in fact, an inferior response it perpetuates and seems to confirm any negative self thoughts we have. This is a very important point, so I will repeat it again.
Resentment is an inferior response. We all can sometimes sense when another is resentful. We just do not have as much respect for them as we do for the person who is gracious and loving.

When you or I are resentful, we feel inferior because resentment is inferior to love, patience, and graciousness. But while in the throes of resentment and negativity, we do not realize why we feel so negative.

Instead of realizing that it is only because of the resentment, we falsely ascribe our inferior and negative feeling to some negative suggestion. In simple terms, if someone calls you a loser, and you resent them, you are likely to eventually buy into the suggestion because you feel inferior. But if you could let go of the resentment--the suggestion would have no emotion to sustain it, and it would diminish.

Without the coloring of emotion, you would be free to see the reality of the situation, make objective assessments, and take some positive actions. No longer would you feel doomed and defeated.

Therefore, the key to regaining self confidence and becoming all that you can be is to let go of resentment. Admittedly some people use resentment to spur them on to compensate and succeed. But in the long run, resentment (being itself negative and wrong) results in guilt, anxiety and eventually exhaustion when we run out of compensation energy. Even if you accomplish great things or make a lot of money, the resentment will eventually color and ruin the joy of achievement. Let go of resentment, and you will be free to succeed without guilt.

Bear in mind that we have all failed in some area, perhaps many areas, multiple times. We have messed up big and small. And yes, some things have gone wrong that were not our fault too. But why can't we just set aside any past failure, and live out each new moment fresh without bringing up baggage from the past and without having past failure color the new moment?

Have you ever noticed that many really good athletes are able to forget about a bad game or mistake, such or a missed free throw?

The secret is to learn how to take a mistake in stride. I am sharing with you the secret to doing this: watch out for and let go of resentment.

Do not resent another person, yourself, the game, or fate. It happened. Now forget it and move on. What most of us do is resent one thing, then another, and then another. Soon we resent our work, our boss, our mate, our circumstances, and even ourselves. Resentment spreads until a person might conceivably resent everything! Why? Because we do not do what the successful athlete does. Instead of forgetting things we did not like, we remember bad things. Then we resent them again and again, each time we remember them.

When a person is resentful all the time, they cannot feel good about themselves. A resentful person feels mean spirited and negative. He rejects the good and begins to have an affinity for the bad. "I'm no good," she says, and "I don't deserve to feel good."
It is resentment that wrecks our self esteem.

Now look at what happens. When this resentful person with low self esteem faces certain situations (such as asking someone to the prom, sinking the free throw, making the sale or whatever), they think things like: "this is my one chance, if I blow this it proves I'm a loser. I've got to succeed here, if I don't, I'm just a failure."

Self talk makes it so that a person's whole self esteem can depend on succeeding this one time. The self imposed burden is so heavy that it breeds nervousness, anxiety, fear, and trepidation.
Look at what happens. Because of timing, the roll of the ball, or a myriad of circumstances, something is likely to go wrong. Even the best batters get a hit less than half the time. With this kind of self imposed pressure, the tension and nervousness are likely to make something go wrong. Then the old suggestion, association and conditioning are reinforced.

So watch out for this kind of destructive mental game--it can lead to throwing in the towel or to compulsivity. It can also lead to a life of mediocrity and hiding in the shadows because the person is afraid of attempting anything where there is any chance of failure. Be aware of how resentment leads to negative internal chatter and emotions.

Again, I say: watch out for resentment and when you see it, let it go. Just go through life easily. Do what you can, but do not have any expectation of the outcome. Even if you mess up, just see that you messed up, but don't resent yourself.

Remember: it is resentment that sustains the negativity from the past. Let go of the resentment and you will be free to face each new situation. Again, do what you can, but do not try to succeed. Just make a decent effort and then let it go.

Find out more about our free meditation to deal with negative emotions.

Fellowship With God

2009-09-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

It is impossible for us to live in fellowship with God without holiness in all the duties of life. These things act and react on each other.

Without a diligent and faithful obedience to the calls and claims of others upon us, our religious profession is simply dead. To disobey conscience when it points to relative duties irritates the whole temper, and quenches the first beginnings of devotion.

We cannot go from strife, breaches, and angry words, to God.

Selfishness, an imperious will, want of sympathy with the sufferings and sorrows of other men, neglect of charitable offices, suspicions, hard censures of those with whom our lot is cast, will miserably darken our own hearts, and hide the face of God from us.

H. E. MANNING

_____________________________________

Roland's Comment

It's amazing how some of the writers of long ago were able to say in a few words what would take others volumes. This author has it just right.

Conscience is what we wordlessly know in our heart. Most of us dismiss it, ignore it or doubt it. We are moved by emotion, and the emotions is excited by outside people or circumstances. We move like stimulus response animals, and afterwards we feel anxious. This anxiety is really guilt (a sense that we are not living rightly or that something is out of order). And guilt is our intuition, now coming back as twenty twenty hindsight.

If only we could realize that intuition is from God. He gives animals instincts. He gives humans intuition. Find, follow and trust your intuition, and it will lead you to safety and happiness.

Pavlov and all the behavioral scientist and those who study the arts of manipulating and controlling people treat us like stimulus response animals and use conditioning on us, because we are animals (as long as we ignore intuition and conscience).

But no sooner do we listen to what our conscience is trying to tell and then come back to God by a brief but heartfelt sorrow as we mourn our wrongs, then we are restored to fellowship with God.

Until this wonderful reconciliation, we ignore what God would like us to wordlessly sense in the first place; so we feel anxiety in the second place. Instead of realizing that it is because we didn't meet some moment rightly, and God is ever so gently making us aware of that fact--what do we do? We foolishly resent conscience, and we reach for a cigarette, a drink a pill, or some distraction to take away awareness.

The meditation we offer here at the Center For Common Sense Counseling helps people refind their intuition. But it is not for everyone. Only for those who hunger and thirst for truth, and who are willing to admit their wrongs.

Find A Meditation To Calm Down

2009-08-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

Basically we react, we get upset, and we experience stress symptoms. And once we start over-reacting, we don’t know how to stop over-reacting.

The more we react, the more sensitive we become until we start reacting over every little thing. Either that, or we become insensitive and shut down.

In order to recover your poise and positive state of mind, you must re-find your own calm center of dignity from which you can flow.

. . . . . Read more

How Do I Gain Self Control

2009-08-16T16:35:00.000-07:00

The answer is to find the blessed state of mind.
.
People search for Nirvana, enlightenment or salvation. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, who did not realize what a lovely life she had at home in Kansas until she had strayed far and wide, likewise the blessed carefree state of mind is hidden in plain sight. Not everyone will find it, but some will.
.
I have discovered that those who find it are sometimes the most messed up. They are not self righteous or desirous of worldly approval. Instead, they are desirous of truth. The ones who are the most messed up are often those who did not want to become phony, cruel, or shallow.
.
But their big mistake--their mistake of all mistakes--was to become resentful toward other people. And then they doubted the goodness and truth that they had loved in their heart of hearts.

Through doubt they drifted away from the inner home, which they had been close to when they were little children. And through resentment, they began to take in the world. And as the world seeped in, horror of horror, they found themselves becoming just like those they resented on the outside.

If this describes you, then perhaps you are ready to return to what you once knew as a little child but have fallen away from. You want to make the return trip, but don't know how. You keep going out in the world and reacting to people and situations, and flounder.

I am extending my hand in friendship to help you. I will not begin by talking to you about religion or Christ. Such words would most likely only reinforce the "ameners" among you, as one write so aptly said, and drive the rest of you away.

Instead I will begin by giving you the key to calming down and being more dispassionate in the moment.

In your current state of mind, any religious or philosophical words, no matter how lofty, will simply get all jumbled up with with emotions, what has impressed itself on you in the past, and preconceived notions.

Were I to talk about religion, it would simply reinforce words or ideas picked up from conditioning of the past, or it would result in an aversion reaction to words or ideas that were forced on you.

But I have found that when we calm down and find the magical viewpoint of objectivity, we stop responding to external words or people, and start responding to inner intuition. less reactive, calm, and objective, we can then begin to see for ourselves what is true. Then you will be able to see for yourself and know the truth, not because someone said so, but because you see it is so.

So let's keep it simple.
I promise that for those of you who are sincere, there will be many wonderful discoveries to be made. But first, let's begin with calming down.

If you relate to what I've said, and would like to start calming down and want to start getting back in touch with your own intuition, it might be good to just go ahead and listen to the short meditation, which is free. While you are at it, you can read some of the free information there.

Right now, if you are like most people, you don't need a lot more information. What you need are simple instructions on how to sit still and relate to intuition. Once you learn how to do this simple thing, you will then be able to receive more information.

To find out about the free meditation, click here.

The following is an excerpt from one of my books.

Remain neutral to the outside charade. Be neither for nor against. Stand back and observe.
Meditate to find communion with God’s inner Light, and it will deliver you from evil. It will become a lamp unto your feet. It will restore your peace of mind and bring order into your life.

The purpose of all my writings is to tell you about this blessed state, remind you that it is there, and show you how to get back. I am speaking to you from this state and from an enlightened viewpoint. I point out the errors we make, and if you are open to what I say, then you can see the errors too in light of your own awareness. You see--by listening to me or perhaps by reading what I write, you may be able to pull back form your worries, doubts, fears and problems, and see things in light of an enlightened point of view.

Seeing in this light, you draw back from involvement in the tempting thoughts and resulting problems, and see them objectively.

The drawing power of thoughts and distractions is so subtle that we are pulled from awareness in the twinkling of an eye, and don’t even realize it. And this happens thousands or tens of thousands of times a day. Perhaps it would be helpful to call such losses of awareness, micro hypnotic events or micro post hypnotic events.

The moment something captures your attention and you drift away with it, it has power over you. And it will retain this power. Whenever this thought or memory is cued, it will have the power to put you in a trance again, even more quickly and deeply.
.
It is for this reason that we get lost in a bag of potato chips and “can’t eat just one.” And it is the mechanism behind many of your compulsions and obsessions, fetishes, and self defeating behaviors.

Let me restate the point in a different way. When we think of failure: we think of failing to make the team or get the job. We think of people who are “failures” who can’t fit in, can’t make the grade, can’t succeed, or who become permanent victims. We think of people struggling with some personal issue (like weight gain, alcoholism or drugs), and generally succumbing over and over. We think of criminals who keep messing up and ending up in the system.

We think of failing to reconcile with a parent, failing to save our marriage, failing to communicate with our kids. We think of failing our loved ones in some way. We think in global terms: I’m a failure, I never get things right, I always mess up, I’m stupid or I’m clumsy.

Notice how these global condemnations sound much like what many people heard when they were kids. In some emotional moment, a parent, teacher, or other person said the ominous global negative suggestion.

So ask yourself--When you are beating yourself up over missing the putt, gaining weight, or messing something up—are you re-voicing the negative words that were suggested in some long ago moment of emotion? Was that moment fraught with upset and resentment—the moment where you were programmed by the suggestion (verbal or otherwise)?
.
Now when a similar moment arises, the old programming arises in your mind, now in “your own” inner voice. Is it really your thinking, or is it the programming from the negative, emotional moment long ago when you inadvertently accepted an aberrant notion? And is your continued struggle with it only reinforcing and giving it power?

What I want you to do is see that failure begins in a moment, when we fall away from our safe neutral objective vantage point. We are destabilized by our emotional reaction to another’s words, and our soul comes down to partake of the ego building emotion. We are tempted to doubt, to resent another, and to partake of forbidden emotions. We fall, in that moment, for temptation.

Though the main focus of this chapter is on resentment, let me quickly add that a rush of pride when we react to another’s recognition of us or their flattery is also a moment of failing. We ought not to be uplifted by praise. The emotion of excitement at the opportunity or temptation to do something wrong is also a failing.

There are many such initial moments of failing and being programmed. But perhaps the most important thing for you to see is that there were just a few key ones that set you on the path to lowered consciousness and error. You did not start off life wanting to be a drunk, a drug addict, a mess up, a nagging witch or a wimp.

Your pattern of failing had to begin somewhere. In some moment. Undoubtedly a moment when you doubted what was right or when you resented another.

What you must do now is not struggle with symptoms. Instead you should spend your time and energy learning the art of sitting still and regaining a calm objective awareness.
When you get back calm neutrality, you will be closer to the Light, in which dwells the power to stand back and observe temptation for what it is and not respond to it.

The power of awareness will also permit you to be more detached as you go through life, so that you will not so easily fall into distractions. It will permit you to also stand back from thought and observe it without falling into it.

Yes, you will still fall into thought, and it will happen may times over the weeks, months and years, but now when you do, you will suddenly become aware that you have slipped away with thought, and you will have the power to pull back.

Once you fell and failed, it became easier to fall the next time. The next time an opportunity to escape into distracting activity or thoughts, it felt like a relief, because you used the distraction to escape from awareness of guilt. In other words, you escaped from conscience into the warm and comforting arms of temptation.

As people get older, you see them slipping into nostalgia. Their mind literally goes, as they fall into thought which comforts them and shields them from seeing what failures they are.

Now you know why we are failures. It is not because we did not make the team or get the job. Nor is it because we got divorced or had a falling out with a child. Our real failing occurs in the moment, where we fail to meet the moment with grace—with attentiveness to what is right and with a dispassionate forgiving attitude toward others.

Who was it who said: sow a thought, reap and action. Sow an action, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny.

I say: meet the next moment properly, then the next, then the next. And each moment met properly will tighten your rapport with inner reason and love from God.
What defeats you now is: 1) becoming upset and 2) resenting yourself for failing again. 3) Struggling with the symptoms of your error 4) struggling with error and trying to make yourself right.

Meditate for calm objectivity. Don’t try to make anything happen. Don’t try to make yourself right. Don’t resent yourself for messing up. If you mess up, just see that you did.

Stand back and observe. See how even your thoughts try to tempt you. They will seek an injunction against meditation. They will torment you and try to make you doubt God and His goodness. Don’t give way. Stand back and observe.

Silently cry out to God. And He will answer. Temptation has no power over good. And it has no power over you, other than the power you give it be reacting to it. Therefore, do not struggle or resent it. And don’t resent yourself.

Meditate for objectivity. Stand back; don’t go floating downstream with negative thoughts in any way, shape or form. Be aware that nice rosy thoughts can also be another distraction. Just watch. Observe tormenting thoughts until they dissolve away.

Notice what the tormenting thoughts want from you. They want you to react. When you react, they gain increasing power over you. When you do not react, they lose power.

Get the free meditation now

Preview free at Scribd Conquering Stress and its Symptoms
.
Read more about meditation
Read.

Comfort for the Soul

2009-08-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

After a restless night, pondering the current state of the nation and the world, I felt a deep need for some kind of comfort. I searched and searched the internet this morning for some old fashioned preaching: the kind you used to hear in America and the kind that used to be on the radio. Like the song says: "Give me that old time religion."

How I miss it. I yearn to hear someone with authority, a man with a booming voice, who tells it like it is, with no equivocation, no pandering, and no appeals for money. A man with a message who is not out to win a popularity contest. But a good man, a family man, who wants us to clean up our act, start acting like ladies and gentlemen, and help each other instead of hurting each other.

Incidentally, a lot of dads used to be that way. Some still are.

I want someone who loves America, who loves Americans, and who, yes, puts America first.

It is comforting to me to hear a strong authority tell it like it is. When I was a kid, I remember sometimes the teacher would leave the room, and soon bad or naughty things began to happen. I was glad when the teacher came back and restored order. I was glad when the miscreants were sent to the principle's office.

Don't get me wrong, I am just a regular person. I don't like hypocrisy and I don't like some religious types lording it over me any more than you do. But I also don't want a weak minded pot smoker talking to me about peace. I don't want someone talking about nirvana, only to find out that underneath there is a hatred of Christians.

I want someone solid, four square, decent, a family man, who lives a Godly life life and dares to talk about sin.

Now that I have had my say, I must add that the only true comfort is from God. And His comfort is within, for the soul that yearns for truth with all its heart. And when I hear someone say something that is true, it is the inner testimony that is the important thing.

I love to hear old fashioned preaching, but I do not get caught up with the preacher. When he says something right, it is the inner testimony that silently testifies to the truth of what he is saying. It is the Holy Spirit that comforts. If something some speaker says is correct and relevant, then the wordless Word within quietly testifies to the rightness of the words on the outside.

But I am glad that some are called to be old fashioned preachers. Because their words shake us out of our lethargy and comfort zone, and reawaken us to what we have always known but temporarily forgot. Of course, our conscience is always there with silent testimony, and we should look to it for reminding. But when we forget to heed our deepest and highest instincts, then the preacher's words on the outside remind us.
.
When someone on the outside awakens us to conscience, it is good because it shames us and upbraids us. The receptive humble soul is set aright and is grateful. And for the soul that is grateful, a rapport is re-established with what we know in our heart.

It is even better when someone lives the good life and then speaks without hypocrisy. We are thus forced to look at what they have to say without judging them. We are shamed by their good example. They are what we should be.
.
Unfortunately, many speakers nowadays do some sort of tell all (like you see on the Larry King Show), airing all their dirty laundry in public. They are not respectable. We can thus judge them and feel a subtle superiority to them. And their wrong tempts us to feel comfortable with our own.

Likewise, the angry speaker tempts us to judge him for his anger. Incidentally, many parents are guilty of this: they talk at their kids instead of to them. Because their anger is wrong, it ruins their message (even though what they said is something that probably needed to be said).
We are let off the hook and are permitted to focus on their wrong instead of having to look at our own.

The most devastating thing to the egotist is to be confronted by a tough love truth speaker who speaks spontaneously from the heart and is transparent. He says what he means and means what he says, and by also living the good life, he has the solid conviction and commitment which cannot be judged. Thus the hearer is forced to look at himself or herself.
.
Bear in mind that even a wicked speaker, who is full of deceit and twists his words, can do no harm to sincere seeker. The sincere seeker gets the message (if the wicked speaker baits his hook with some truths) but does not get caught up with the speaker. The sincere seeker hears the truthful words (such as some scripture verse) and understands it, because he sees it in the inner light. But the insincere get caught up with the speaker or the lofty words. They may get emotionally excited about the words, but they do not really understand them.

And I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then I said, Here am I; send me. And he said,

Go, and tell this people, Hear ye indeed, but understand not; and see ye indeed, but perceive not.

Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and turn again, and be healed. (Isaiah 6, verses 8 to 10 NASB)

and again,

For this people's heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them.

(Matthew 13, verse 15 KJV)

So bring on the old fashioned preaching. The sincere will hear and and understand. And some people will be awakened and have a change of heart.

I'm Upset About My Finances: I Don't Want Financial Worries to Ruin My Health or Marriage

2009-07-13T14:06:00.000-07:00

Financial crisis does not have to lead to family crisis. Economic troubles don't have to result in relationship or health problems.

This article goes to the root of the problem: resentment.

I could just say: don't resent your situation, don't resent your spouse, don't resent yourself, don't resent anything.

Resentment robs you of your higher powers. It literally renders you subject to circumstance. Resentment renders you sensitive to stress, it separates you from calm reason and intuition, and it robs you of the measured response and makes you go to extremes.

Let go of resentment. There is no one more important piece of advice I can give you. Even Ann Landers, one of the greatest and most revered advice givers of all time, said it. After a lifetime of giving advice, she said: be more forgiving.

There. Now I've said it. Let go of resentment.

If you took this to heart and really, really realized how destructive resentment is and how resentful you have been: your problems would be over.

But though we all know that resentment is sneaky and dysfunctional, we hang onto the right to resent. We say "I can't forgive him--too much has happened."

My books are excellent. But two, in particular, are very elucidating.

My Husband and I Argue all the Time is one;

The other is My Daughter Does Not Want To Clean her Room.

Now that I've given you the key instruction, here is the article.

Financial crisis does not have to lead to family crisis. Economic troubles don't have to result in relationship or health problems.

You can still be reasonably happy, healthy, loving, and cheerful in spite of external circumstances.

We all know this at some level. We have all heard that money can't buy you happiness. We've all seen families who have very little, but who have a lot of love. We've seen great men and women come out of poverty.

Many of us who are a bit older remember when we were young newlyweds, for example, and had nothing but a one room apartment, a lamp, and some boxes to sit on. We remember that we were happy, much happier than years later when we had many material possessions.

Some of us have experienced getting what we wanted, having our heart's desire and yet feeling miserable and unfulfilled.

So if you know this, why do you get upset, worried, distraught, and begin to have a churning stomach when you can't pay all your bills or lose your job?

The reason why is both simple and profound. First the simple sound byte version: you've permitted yourself to become upset over trivial issues. Thus you indulged emotions, and now when the bigger issues arrive, you are easily thrown out of control. How can you remain calm in big troubles when you allow yourself to get upset by the little ones?

The simple answer is this: start to exercise what character you have left. Have some discipline. Be a man. Be a woman. Set a good example for your kids. Don't indulge worry, doubts, and fears. Never take counsel of your fears, as a great general once said. Be patient. Remember: this to shall pass. Get busy, do something: go for a walk. Help someone. Look for work. Volunteer. Forget self.

Pay special attention to and beware of resentment, which makes you wrong and guilty, and which conditions you to be reactive and out of control. See how judgment leads to anger. Let go of judgment.

Now the more profound reason why we permit external circumstance to affect our inner life, and by extension our relationship with others. We are egotistical and selfish. We lack faith, and we have always been taught to look to the outside for answers or into our intellect for answers. We are too externalized.

In other words, we look to the outside world for guidance. We look to the outside for support and comfort for our ego. And when we are not looking to others, we are looking into our intellect, hoping to dredge up some answer from there.

Where we should be looking is to intuition, what we ascertain wordlessly in the inner Light from God. But we avoid intuition, because having strayed from it, it now comes back as 20-20 hindsight. It feels like conscience, and it makes us feel bad. And as long as we don't want to be sorry and admit our mistakes, we avoid feeling bad and shun conscience.

Of course, that is what just about everyone else is doing to. Can you see the folly of looking to some expert for guidance: an expert who is a prideful intellectual and who is devoid of conscience because he or she avoids conscience too? It is truly a case of the blind leading the blind.

But as I said, it is not totally your fault. You could not help inheriting the nature that is prone to being prideful. Nor could you help believing what everyone told you to do: get an education, look to experts for knowledge, be ambitious, set goals, and so on. You may have had a suspicion that there was something wrong with the teachers, educators, professors and experts' advice, since most of their own personal lives ended in failure.

But you did not grasp intuition (your hunch about such things) firmly enough. In your natural pridefulness, you wanted to get what you could out of life, and you went down the garden path that everyone else said was the way to go.

Without true faith, how could you argue with the material possessions, seeming pleasure, and monetary benefits others were getting from working the system?

Yet, perhaps you suspected that all was not what it was cut out to be. You may also have seen examples of people who were industrious but not ambitious, who were principled and honorable and who succeeded without copping out, lying, cheating or tricking people.

Now it is not your fault that the culture in which you live does everything in its power to convince you that the answer to your problems is out there somewhere. We are told education is the answer, that knowledge is the answer. We are told that romantic "love" is the answer. We are always looking to some person to make us happy, cure us, or give us some secret to getting rich. We are told the a house, a car, a bank account is the answer. We are told that financial security is the answer.

No, I'm not suggesting that we should endeavor to be poor or at the end of our rope. What I am saying is that "where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Advertisers, and particularly the chemical pharmaceutical companies, spend billions to convince you that the answer to your problems lies in a pill.

We are treated like sheep, like children, even worse. We are treated as if we were animals: just chemicals, hormones, and stimulus response animals.

Until you fully grasp that you are a human being with a soul, and until you find the secret to the power of good available within to resolve problems, you will be at the mercy of those who want power over you.

Whenever we look to outside person, object, goal or substance for security, we become externalized and dependent. This leads to greater insecurity. Just think back to the last time you desperately wanted some outcome (even if it was making a putt on the golf course!). Your insecurity and anxiety increased.

The answer is within. The answer is in learning to become objective and aware, functioning from intuition, with faith, and the guiding of intuitive understanding, and the protection of God's inner Light. The answer is to trust more in your own God given intuition than in what others say.
So long as you look to the world for answers, for love, or for some sort of ego validation, you will remain tied to the world and dependent on it. You will become resentful when others betray you.
So long as you are externalized, when a change occurs, when the rain falls, the economy falters, or the customers aren't buying, you will become upset and frustrated.
Learn to go through life with equanimity. Do not become overly excited when things go well. Don't become crestfallen when they don't. Remember: man does not live by bread alone, but by every word from the mouth of God.

Also remember that other people are lost too. Others are externalized. They have not found the answer. No one loved them enough to tell them the truth. No one had the understanding to share with them the inner path to God.

Therefore you must not hate other people. Many of us have grudges against our parents for not guiding us properly and for letting something bad happen to us. Just remember: they could not give you what they did not have themselves. Also know that hatred and resentment cuts you off from inner love.

Self reliance, composure, and independence is what you need. When you are totally dependent on your Creator within, then you will no longer be dependent on outside security or love. And when you no longer need love, you will be able to give love.

But lo and behold, when you no longer are desperate for love, security or anything else, then chances are that things will turn around. Good things will come your way, people will seek you out (and you won't drive them away with your clinging need). You will begin to relate to everything properly.

Begin by letting go of your resentments against others, beginning with those closest to you. Stop looking to the world for love and guidance. Stand back and observe. Listen to what people have to say without reacting emotionally for or against them. When you read, don't get absorbed. Instead scan lightly for clues.

. . . . . .information about our free stress reduction meditation.

How to Suffer - Spiritual Lessons From Prison Writers

2009-06-21T08:47:00.000-07:00