How to Stop Hurting and Being Hurt

Several of the world's religions and spiritual disciplines have the admonition to "do to others what we would have them do to us."

This principle, if followed, definitely bans such things as revenge, cruelty, meanness, gossiping, and so on. This principle means being the type of person we like others to be toward us: kind, fair, honest, patient, above board, understanding, calm, not angry, not manipulative, and not teasing.

It seems like an obviously proper way of living. Yet we all fail to live this way. Especially when it comes to our kids. For some reason we end up doing to our kids what our parents did to us. When our parents yelled at us, we didn't like it, yet we yell at our kids.

We didn't like it when our parents pressured us, dumped on us or didn't have understanding. Yet we find ourselves being hard, cold and dogmatic with our kids. We become angry and blame them when they spill a little something. We turn a deaf ear and a cold heart toward them when they cry as we place them in some awful daycare or school environment. Or when they want to play and be with us, we claim we are too busy.

You can see with your own eyes other people who obviously have become like their parent or have become their parent. You see boys who grow up to be their mother who they worshipped or hated. You see people who resemble their pets or pets who become like their owner--even having the same diseases like diabetes. You see people become like their tyrant leader. Germany became Hitler.

The reason why we become like our parents or even someone else who violated us is an identity issue. There is a process of corruption that takes place in our relationships with other people, and the core of this corruption process has to do with identity. The identity of the corrupter/tyrant/re-creator goes to the victim. And the victim's life and substance goes to the corrupter. And so it comes to pass that the son of the enshrined mother becomes her, or the molested person becomes the molester.

It is obvious to any thoughtful person that we do, in fact, do things to others that we would not want them to do to us. If we don't want to, but do anyway--it is proof positive that there is more going on than simple psychology. Otherwise we could simply stop doing what we know we shouldn't do.

I am making you ware of the principle of identity exchange so that you might have a glimpse of the mechanism of corruption, of sin, and of original sin.

Before continuing I want to quickly point out that the phenomenon is very common but is not intractable. If we change trough a mysterious process of corruption and identity exchange, there must also be a salvation from it through identifying and then identifying with the Truth and the Source of that Truth. We are shriven of the corrupt identify that entered through worldly associations and sin, and we are given the seed of a new identity, a God identity. Then through all the persecutions that we will surely bear, and as we bring forth the the truth into an otherwise dark world, we become shaped and molded in the image of the God identity seed that grows in us.

But unless this mysterious process of salvation is implemented, we can only remain as we were, and the only way we can grow is through more corruption. We have a fallen sensuous nature with an alien identify which came by way of sin that takes residence and makes a home in us.

Perhaps this is the first time anyone has explained original sin in terms you can palpably experience as you become corrupt and like the person you hated, and which you can see occur in other people you know.

We humans are under a curse: the curse of original sin. And it is passed down from generation to generation when we resent or hate our parents. We are born subject o fallen and corrupted parents, and we are destined to become like them unless we find salvation.

The other thing I wish to mention at this point is that resentment corrupts just as much as or even more than any other sin. It is by resentment that the outside gets on the inside, and it it resentment whereby we become like those we hate. It is resentment that cuts us off from our ground of being and which introduces the false identity. It is then supportive love for what is wrong with us that keeps us as we are. Drugs and alcohol are just lowly forms of love/ The more degenerate and guilty we become the more we need conscious lowering drugs and lies to keep us from guilt, to sooth the savage best and to help the corrupt identity complete itself within.

The conformist is supported and comforted by mommas love, and by the perks of the educational, bureaucratic, and worldly church Perks, rituals and lying words comfort the conformist. And to sooth his guilt he has alcohol, marijuana, music and the peer groups. The rebel is full of hate and he is comforted by other low life's and their rituals and drugs.

Our parents became like they did because of their resentment and judgment of their parents. And when we react with resentment and hostility to our parents, the sin is transferred to us. We are destined to become just like them, unless we find salvation.

It says in the Bible that the sins of the fathers will be passed down to the third and fourth generations, but mercy will be shown to those who love the Lord.

Would you like to have this passage explained in simple everyday terms? Okay, here goes.

With few exceptions we are all guilty of resenting and having a grudge against others, especially our parents. But we then discover, years later, that we have become like them. The very things we hated or judged them for, we find in ourselves. We then turn around and do to our kids what was done to us.

We were not responsible for where we were born or for our early circumstances. And since we were just kids, we were likely to go on and make the classic mistake of resenting (hating) our parents for their sins of omission and commission. Then, years later, when we have kids of our own, we discover the despotic nature of the tyrant alive and well in us. It drives us to rant and rave at our kids, it compels us to have a hard heart, and it blocks the flow of love and understanding.

Undoubtedly when you were a child you judged your parent harshly. You wondered why they could be so impatient, so rigid, so hard, when they could have been light hearted and understanding. We usually have to wait until we have children, and then we feel the full effect of the curse. The nature that had dominated and compelled your parent (which they got from their parent) shows itself and now tries to do to your kids what it did to you. It wants them to react, become resentful toward you, and then it can get into them and go on to infect the next generation.

So now you know. To a greater or lesser extent, this negative process happens to all of us. All that remains to be seen is whether you are one of those who is willing to see the truth, willing to be sorry and to wish not to be mean or confusing to others.
Secondly, it requires remaining very aware, so that you can notice yourself being cruel, confusing, or impatient. Third, you need a little tutoring about how to stand back and observe the wrong without reacting to what you see. In other words, you need a few tips about how to stop being upset about what you see in yourself.

It's difficult to put this all into an article. It might be easier to understand if you listen to one of my talks on this subject. Here is the link to download as an MP3 Roland Talks about How to Stop Hurting Others and Being Hurt.

You might also want to check out our website where you can read about a meditation that helps you hang onto awareness and be more patient.

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